


Damaged Goods

by DeadMilitia



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Abuse, Bullying, Character Death, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5445710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadMilitia/pseuds/DeadMilitia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is running away from his past. When him and his mom move in next door to Jack, the two boys start a friendship that turns to something deeper. <br/>Jack is a confident and strong person with a dark secret that keeps him broken on the inside. Alex is shy, awkward, and easily scared. When the two start dating, Jack quickly learns just how gentle he has to be with Alex. Alex is afraid of the past repeating so he tries to keep Jack at a distance.<br/>Jack is abused on a daily basis and tries to hide it from Alex who soon finds out. <br/>Can these two find a cure for their mutual brokenness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Start

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this chapter is crappy, but no matter how much I try, I can't fix it. Also, I'm known to miss things when proofreading, so sorry for any mistakes. This is my first attempt at writing Jalex, so sorry if it sucks. Also, Jack is the complete opposite of me, so it's hard writing his personality since I don't think the same as him, lol. So he's very OOC in this story, so I apologize now. But this is AU, so I guess it's okay, right?

**Alex's POV:**

"Alex, you're going to be late for school!" My mom shouted down the hallway. I slowly left my room wearing jeans, a dark gray hoodie with a logo across the front and a black beanie. I had my backpack strap in my hand. "Come on, Alex, at least give this school a try before hating it?"

"It's not going to be different. None of them have." I grumbled, not looking up at her. I didn't have to look at her to see the defeated look on her face. I slipped past her and walked to the kitchen.

"Alex," she said, walking behind me. I stopped and looked up at her this time. "Please promise me you'll give it your best try?" I gave her the best smile I could fake before nodding. I finally left the apartment and out to the parking-lot. We had moved close enough to the school that I decided to walk instead of take the bus. I started down the sidewalk and slowly made my way to the school. I heard someone walking not far behind me and every fiber in my body was telling me to run. I hated being on edge all of the time. The footsteps behind me sped up a bit and I tried not to panic.

"Hey," a guy said, making me jump. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt and it was hard to breath. I looked up at the person when they got right next to me. I was surprised at the kind smile I was greeted with. The guy was about the same age as me, he had dark hair that was styled to spike up and hang in his face a little with blond in the mohawk part, and he had beautiful brown eyes. "You just moved into Oak Lake Apartments, right?"

"Um, yeah, my mom and I did." I answered, trying to force myself to calm down. Strangers make me extremely nervous.

"Cool, I'm Jack Barakat."

"Um, Alex Gaskarth," I answered, looking up briefly before returning my gaze to the sidewalk.

"Where are you from?" Jack asked, it was obvious he was trying to fill in the silence.

"Well, we just, um, moved here from New York. This is, um, the second time we've lived in Maryland." I said, scolding myself in my head for being so awkward and nervous. I can't help it though.

"Sweet." The rest of the walk was pretty silent. It didn't take long to get to the school. I was happy that the awkward silence didn't have to last very long. "Well, if you need someone to show you around, give me a shout." Jack then ran off ahead of me to meet with some others.

\--------------------

The first day of school went exactly as I figured it would. Everyone stares at the new kid and whispers to their friends and occasionally someone talked to me. I was happy I didn't have to eat lunch alone though. Jack invited me to sit with his friends, but I didn't really fit in with them. I spent most of lunch eating silently as I listened to Jack and all of his friends tell jokes and tease each other playfully. No one knew me yet, so I wasn't exactly included. Jack tried to include me, but my nervousness wouldn't allow me to participate.

"Mom, I'm home." I shouted as I walked into the apartment. I didn't get an answer. I threw my backpack on the floor and made my way to the kitchen which was separated from the front room by a counter. I found a note from my mom on the counter.

'Went job hunting. Be back later. Money for pizza on the counter. Love you, Mom.' I looked down at the money laying there and then threw the note away. I looked around the apartment and felt a little lonely. There was very little put away. The room was filled with boxes still. We had been living in a hotel and storing our stuff at a storage building until we got the money for an apartment, and we've only been here for about two weeks.

I finally decided I didn't want to stay here alone and grabbed the money off of the counter. My mom had been doing odd jobs for people in town. Cleaning their house, walking/sitting their dogs or other pets, babysitting, you name it. I had done some work for people, too. Mostly things for elderly people who needed work done around the house but couldn't do it themselves. With what we made and a little help from my grandpa in England, we managed to get this apartment.

"Going out?" I jumped at the sudden voice, turning around quickly to see Jack standing on the little hallway balcony outside the apartments. He was leaning back against the railing and had his cell phone in his hand.

"Um, yeah. M-my mom is gone and I was, um, going to find, um, some place to eat." I said, trying to calm myself. He was asking a simple question with a simple answer, but I couldn't let it just be that.

"I was just about to do the same. Wanna join me?" I looked around as if the answer would show up somewhere. I finally just nodded and he smiled a little. "My friends are meeting me at a place called Pascal's. It's too far from here to walk, so we can take my car." He offered and I'm sure my eyes widened. Everything in me was screaming to run, but I knew I had to break that.

'He's not going to hurt you, Alex. Just chill out.' I thought to myself before finally nodding at him.

"Is your mom working or something?" He asked as we made our way to his car. It was a black Grand AM that had clearly seen better days. There were a few scratches and chips in the paint.

"Um, she's out looking for a job." I replied as I climbed inside his car. He got in and turned it on, pulling out.

"Not to sound nosy, but how did you get an apartment without her having a job?" I just chuckled a little.

"A lot of people wonder that. We both worked odd jobs and, uh, finally got some money scraped together. Plus my grandpa sent some money to help us get on our feet." I explained, looking over at him only briefly. My mom always tried to look the other way when Grandpa stepped in. He never expected a thank you anyway. He just wanted us to be safe.

"Cool," was all he said. It got awkwardly quiet and he reached over and turned the radio on. There was already a CD in and it was Green Day.

"I love this band!" I exclaimed, blushing slightly when he chuckled. I realized how excited I got. He didn't say anything just turned the radio up a bit. We listened to Green Day on the way to the restaurant. I stared out the window at all the sights. We hadn't lived in this area when we were at the hotel, we were in the next town over. I hadn't seen much of this place yet. Jack got my attention by turning the radio down.

"So, you said this was the second time living here. Where did you live the first time?"

"Baltimore," was all I said. He turned and looked at me with a smile on his face.

"No way! I'm originally from there." He said and I smiled a little too. "We moved here when I was thirteen."

"Cool, we moved to New York last year and stayed there for a few months with my uncle and then we came back here." I told him and he nodded. He pulled into the parking-lot of a small diner. We walked inside and Jack stopped briefly before heading towards the back. There weren't a lot of people here.

"Hey," two guys said when we got closer to them. One had a shaved head and the other had brown hair hidden with a backwards hat. I recognized them as two of the people at the lunch table today.

"Yo, you remember Alex," Jack said as he sat down next to the one in the hat.

"Yeah, how's it goin'?" The shaved haired one asked. "You can sit down here," he said with a chuckle, patting the empty side of the booth next to him. I awkwardly sat down, trying not to get pressed against the other guy. I fidgeted with my fingers as I listened to them all talk. They were talking about people and events I knew nothing about. Finally a waitress came over.

"Hey boys," she said, looking directly at me. "You're the new kid at school right?" I just nodded.

"This is Alex. Alex, this is Rian's girlfriend, Cassadee." Jack introduced us. I couldn't remember which of these two was Rian. Jack just gave me a quick run down of everyone at the table earlier.

"Nice to meet you. Okay, so the usual for all of you. And what would you like, Alex?" She asked. She was just asking a simple question but I felt like I was put on the spot. I got really nervous and couldn't think straight. I realized I had never gotten a menu. "Oh, I didn't put any menus out. I'm sorry, here you go." She said, walking over to a basket near the cash register and retrieving a menu.

"Thank you," I said, stumbling to pick out something quickly.

"How about I just get your drink first? That will give you a moment to decide." She offered with a smile. I just nodded.

"Um, Coke is fine," I said, glancing at the drink choice. She nodded and walked away. I refused to look up from the menu. My face was bright red and I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach. Cassadee came back with two Cokes for Jack and I. The other two already had their drinks.

"Have you made up your mind?" She asked kindly.

"I'll just have a burger and fries." I said and she nodded.

"Do you want everything on the burger?" I just nodded. I actually hate onions and pickles but I was too shaken up to tell her that. I wasn't sure why I had such a hard time with simple things. I always had. After Cassadee put in my order and checked on her other tables, she came back.

"We're having a bonfire this weekend, you guys should stop by. You too, Alex," she said and I just smiled. I wasn't sure what to say.

"I can take you," Jack said with a smile. I smiled back. They all got talking about something and I just sat and listened. I laughed at the occasionally joke or comment. After we got our food, everyone began eating. They all continued to talk and I still only listened.

After we were done eating, we sat there for about another hour before I got a text from my mom.

 _'Where are you?'_ I typed a quick reply, telling her I was hanging with some guys from school.

 _'Okay, have fun. Please don't stay out too late. I have some news.'_ She said and I smiled. I was really hoping that news was regarding a job.

"Texting your girlfriend?" Jack asked. I looked up in slight shock to see everyone smiling at me. I blushed again and shook my head.

"M-my mom... She said she has news for me when I get home." I told them before typing back a quick reply.

"Good news?" The one in the hat who I learned was named Zack, asked. I shrugged.

"She didn't say," I replied. They all nodded or gave little "ohs" in reply.

"Well, then maybe we should get going so you can find out." Jack said.

"Oh, I don't want to make you leave. I can take the bus home." I told him and he shook his head.

"Not gonna happen. Come on," he said, standing up. I looked over at the other two before standing up. Jack said his goodbyes and I just waved mine before we left. I felt kind of bad.

"I really could have just taken the bus." I said and he chuckled.

"I don't mind. I need to get home anyway. My dad will be off work in about twenty minutes." He told me and I nodded. The car ride home was quieter than the one going. It felt more tense too. I noticed how distracted and nervous Jack seemed. He was chewing on his bottom lip and tapping his thumb on the steering wheel. He also kept glancing at the clock. It was the first time today I saw him act nervous. He seemed really confident before. He got out of the car the second he killed the engine. I got out and he locked the doors before hurrying up the steps and to his own apartment. Not saying a goodbye or even looking back.

That was really weird. I tried not to think too much about it as I went to my own apartment.


	2. The Price

**Jack's POV:**

_'shit, shit, shit!'_ I thought in my head as Alex and I headed home from the restaurant. I hadn't realized how late it actually was. I drove a little faster on the way home. As soon as we got stopped, I got out. I waited for Alex to get out before locking the doors. I didn't even look back at him as I ran up the stairs and to my apartment. I knew what waited for me on the other side considering my dad's truck was already in the parking-lot. I took a deep breath before opening the door and walking inside.

"Where the hell have you been?" My dad asked angrily from his chair.

"I was out with some friends, sir." I answered, hoping he would just let it go and let me go to my room. Instead, he stood up.

"Get over here," he demanded, pointing at the floor in front of himself. My heart was pounding as I forced myself forward. I stopped a few steps in front of him and kept my head down. I knew what was coming next. Suddenly I was slapped hard enough to send me to the floor. No matter how many times it happens, I'm never prepared. I stayed where I landed on the floor, knowing that if I tried to get up it would just make this worse.

"You were supposed to have this fucking place cleaned up!" He kicked me hard in the stomach. I winced but tried to not make any noise. I would get beat worse if I didn't "take it like a man."

"I don't even know why you're mother wanted you!" Another kick. "You're nothing but a worthless bitch just like she was." Another kick. He kept kicking me. Tears were welling up in my eyes, but I knew better than to cry. After my dad got tired of kicking me, he turned away from me.

"Get the fuck out of my space." He said as he sat down. I didn't say anything or even look at him. I quickly got up and practically ran down the short hallway to my room. I made sure to close the door as quietly as possible. I went to the full length mirror on the back of my closet door. I carefully lifted my shirt off, wincing as I did so. I inspected the damage. I've had worse. There were some old bruises littering my body along with new ones forming. I sighed and got a pair of black sweat pants and a gray T-shirt. I gasped as I bent over to change into my sweat pants. The pain in my stomach would only last for a while. It would just be another ache by tomorrow. After changing, I crawled into my bed and grabbed the book off of my night stand. It was going to be another boring night alone.

\-----------------------

**Alex's POV:**

I scrambled around my room and tried to get ready. Given that I was a bit lazy and messy, none of my clothes had been properly unpacked yet. I settled on a black shirt and red skinnies. I put my beanie on also before I left the room. My mom had already left. Her big news last night was that she talked to the manager of a nearby hotel and they were willing to let her start this morning. I wanted to grab breakfast but if I did that I would be late. I just grabbed a blueberry muffin out of the box on the counter. I thought for a second and then grabbed a second one. Just in case Jack was outside. I slung my backpack strap over my shoulder and headed out the door.

As I locked the door I could hear yelling coming from Jack's apartment. And then there was a loud crash followed by more yelling. I was frozen in place. What in the world was going on in there? After what felt like ever, the door opened and a large man who didn't look too kind stormed out and past me. I waited until the man left in his car before approaching their door. I wasn't even sure if Jack was still there or had already left for school. But that man had obviously been yelling at somebody. I knocked on the door and waited a few moments before it finally opened. Jack was standing on the other side. He was wearing a light gray, long sleeved t-shirt and black jeans.

"H-hey Alex," he said, I could tell he was on the verge of crying.

"Are you okay?" I asked, feeling a little awkward.

"Yeah, of course." He replied, I could tell he was lying. I looked him over before pointing at his arm.

"You're bleeding." I pointed out, causing his eyes to widen. He looked down at his arm where blood was seeping through his sleeve and his mouth opened like he wanted to say something but couldn't. I felt really awkward as I spoke. "Jack, if your dad is hurting you, you can tell-" he cut me off.

"He's not, Alex! I just... fell down. I'll be fine. Look, I need to change my shirt. I'll see you at school." And with that he shut the door. I decided I was going to wait for him. Even if it meant being late to school. I could always tell them that we weren't settled in completely yet and it won't happen again. After about fifteen minutes, Jack came out of the apartment and was ready for school. "You didn't have to wait for me." He said as he locked the door.

"I know, I just wanted to, um, make sure you were, um, okay." I replied, staring down. I hated being the awkward kid. "Oh, here," I handed him the muffin. He chuckled and thanked me. We walked in silence and ate our muffins. I knew what it was like to have a secret, so I wasn't going to push. Once we got to school, we went our separate ways since we had different first classes. I couldn't focus during class though because I kept thinking about Jack. I knew that what was going on this morning wasn't right. I was worried, but I don't have any right to butt in.

Once lunch came around and I had gotten my food, I went and sat down next to Rian, Zack, and a few others.

"Where's Jack?" I asked Rian quietly.

"Uh, I'm not really sure. Sometimes he just disappears. It's normal for him." I just nodded. I ate in silence, laughing now and then. There was probably ten minutes left of lunch when Jack finally joined us.

"Are you working tonight, Jack?" Rian asked.

"Yeah, I'm leaving school early to get there." Jack replied, taking a large bite of his sandwich.

"Oh, we were talking about going to the movies." Rian told him. Jack just nodded and gave an 'oh.' "Do you want to come?" Zack asked, looking directly at me. I knew my eyes widened because I wasn't expecting that.

"T-thanks, but no. I have to help my mom finish unpacking." I lied. Really I just didn't have the money for the movies right now. I didn't want to tell them that though. I noticed that Jack didn't seem to be as loud as he was yesterday.

\-------------------------

I walked home alone since Jack had left early to go to work. My mom wasn't home yet, so I sat on the couch with a bowl of Cookie Crisp cereal and flipped through the TV channels. There wasn't really anything to watch since we didn't have cable or anything. I finally just turned the TV off and ate my cereal in the quiet.

My mind went back to this morning. I wasn't sure what to do or even if I had a right to do anything. Jack seemed happy and besides the blood on his arm, he didn't seem to be hurt. Maybe it was just a bad morning. I shook my head and decided not to worry about it right now. I got up and went to the kitchen to start the dishes. I opened my laptop that was sitting on the counter and went into my music library. I began playing a random playlist before I began to pull dishes from the sink. I sang along as I cleaned the dishes and put them in the dish washer.

By the time I got those done, my mom was walking through the door. I dried my hands off and paused the music.

"Hi, sweetie," my mom said, as she walked in and laid some bags down on the counter. "Sorry I'm late, I picked up some grocery we needed. How do nachos sound for dinner?" She asked.

"That sounds great." I said, causing her to smile. I began to take stuff out of bags and put them away while my mom went to change. I left out everything I needed to cook. I thawed the meat in the microwave and started cooking it in a skillet on the stove.

"So how was school?" My mom asked when she came back. I shrugged.

"It was good." Was all I said. She asked me that every day. Sometimes I told her the truth, other times I told her it was good even if it wasn't. I was happy that I wasn't lying this time. School had always been hell for me. No matter where it was located.

"So, you haven't had any problems?" She asked slowly, choosing her words carefully. My mom and I actually had a good relationship and I didn't keep much from her. Sure I kept secrets just because I hated seeing that hurt look in her eyes when she knew she couldn't do anything to help. But the really big things she knew about. Like what happened to make me the way I am now.

"No, but I've only been there for two days. Nobody pays too much attention to me yet.... Jack and his friends spend a lot of time around me, so maybe that's why it's better." I answered, not looking over at her. She was now sitting at the bar with a can of Coke as I cooked the meat.

"That's good. Hopefully having them around will keep things going... smoothly." She said, I turned around to look at her to see she had her cell phone. "I'll be right back, I need to make a phone call." She said before getting up and going to her room. Since the meat was cooking, I started chopping up vegetables and cilantro to make salsa.

I was almost finished with dinner and my mom still hadn't come back yet. That phone call was taking really long. After I finished cooking, I went to her room and knocked softly before cracking the door open. I found her sitting on the bed still on the phone. She was laughing in a flirty way. My mom had tried dating several times since Dad left, but it never lasted long.

"Dinner's done," I whispered. She just nodded back. I walked back into the other room. I sat down at the bar and waited for her. I wasn't thrilled when Mom would bring a guy around, but I wanted her to be happy. She needed someone other than me.

"Sorry about that. That was Kyle," she told me. I just made an 'oh' face and nodded. We both got our food and sat down to eat. "Kyle will be stopping by in a bit to watch movies. You can join us if you want." I just shook my head.

"I'm good," I told her.

\--------------------------

I sat in my room with my music on. Mom and Kyle were in the living room watching some movie. He seemed nice enough, but I hadn't stayed in there long enough to really judge that. I grabbed my guitar and turned the music off. I grabbed my notebook and opened it to the song I had been working on. I began to strum and sing what little bit I had written down.

 _"I won't forget you but don't think I won't try. I'll try to forgive you, but just like you I lie. Just you remember as you fall asleep tonight. These words are forever unlike you and I. Unlike you and I._  
_I refuse to be infuriated. I will choose to grin and watch you dissipate. Now it seems I am reinstated. So hit the facts, just screaming for themselves. I'll be the one to call you out now. I'll be the one to throw it in your face. Never seen someone so fucking cliche. In the end you're just another dizzy dane."_ I jumped a little when the door opened. I looked up to see Jack standing there.

"Did you write that?" He asked and I just nodded, my cheeks heating up. My mom was the only person who had ever heard me sing. "It was really good." He said as he walked into my room and shut the door again. He sat down at the chair at my desk.

"Thanks," I said.

"What's it about?" He asked, reaching over and picking on the notebook to read the lyrics. That had my heart rate speeding up.

"Um, just some past stuff." I answered, not looking at him.

"Personal stuff, I get it." Jack said.

"Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I just got off work and didn't really want to sit home alone."

"What about Rian and Zack?"

"They're not home," he said as he looked around my room. There wasn't much to look at. White walls, dark, hard wood flooring, a twin bed, a desk and chair, a dark colored dresser with a small TV sitting on it, and some posters hanging on the walls.

Jack looked like he wanted to ask something but he didn't know how to say it. He finally just spit it out.

"Do you want to hang out this Friday?" He asked and I chuckled a little. At least I'm not the only who has issues with simple questions.

"Sure," I said. It would be nice to do something other than work or school. Even though I hadn't really done much work since we got the apartment. "So, do you like video games?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is "This Ones For Me" by No Such Thing. Also, thank you to former No Such Thing member, Corbin, for helping me with the lyrics since I wasn't sure of a certain part of that. That was the song I was listening to when I came up with this story. And I have no clue how to do the accent in 'cliche'.


	3. Safety

**Alex's POV:**

"I'm leaving," I told my mom as I pulled my jacket on.

"Okay, have fun." She said, I smiled in response. I walked out the door and over to Jack's apartment. I knocked then waited for him to answer. I was a little taken back when his dad answered the door instead.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked, it was obvious he was drunk.

"Um, A-Alex. I live n-next door. Is, um, is Jack here?" I stammered.

"He's busy," and with that, he slammed the door. I stood there confused for a second. I walked back over to my apartment and walked in.

"Did you forget something?" My mom asked.

"No, I guess Jack and I aren't hanging out tonight." Which really sucks because I was looking forward to it. I didn't tell her that part though because there wasn't a reason to. I sat down on the couch next to her. "Wanna watch a movie?" 

"Sure, sweetie," she replied before standing up and opening the movie cabinet. "What do you want to watch?"

"It doesn't matter to me." She looked through them and finally picked one out.

"How about Finding Nemo?" I chuckled a little. I should have known it would be a Disney movie. She put it in and sat back down.

"I'm going to go change real quick," I said before going to my room. I quickly changed into black sweat pants and a white T-shirt. I went back to the living-room and sat down.

About halfway through the movie, I allowed my mind to wander. I was thinking about everything that had happened in the past and my fears of my future. It felt like things wouldn't get better. It's been a year since Ricky hurt me, but it was still in my mind all of the time. My mind went straight to the guy hitting on me when we were in New York and it caused a panic attack. I felt like I wouldn't be able to trust anyone. That New York guy wasn't even being a creep, but it scared me so much. Would I ever be able to handle guys hitting on me again?

I was broken from my thoughts and my blank stare was torn away from my lap when my mom took my hand. She gave it a squeeze and gave me a sympathetic look.

"Are you okay, honey?" I gave her a small smile.

"Yeah," I replied. I knew she could tell I was lying, but I hated making her worry. I wanted her to believe I really was okay and getting better. She held my hand and rubbed her thumb back and forth on it.

After a few minutes of us just sitting there, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Mom said, giving my hand another squeeze before standing up. I watched as she opened the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Gaskarth, is Alex here?" Jack asked, she nodded and invited him in. He smiled when he saw me.

"I'll let you boys hang out in here." Mom said with a smile before disappearing to her room. Jack sat down next to me and I smiled at him.

"Sorry about earlier. I had to do some stuff for my dad. We can still go out if you want."

"Where to?" I asked and he thought for a moment.

"There's a bowling alley down town that stays open late." He suggested.

"I'm horrible at bowling, but it sounds fun." I said, making him chuckle. "Let me get dressed and we can go." I said before going to my room. I gathered what money I had and counted it. I only had seventeen dollars, but I figured that would be enough. I pulled on my jeans, a black T-shirt that had a red rose design on it, and my black sneakers.

Once we got to the bowling alley, we went to pay for a round. Jack pulled out his wallet and I did the same.

"I'm paying," Jack told me.

"I don't want you to have to pay for me," I said and he shrugged.

"Too bad," he said and handed the guy the money.

"Thank you," I said, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Do you mind playing in socks?" Jack asked me and I looked at him odd.

"We don't need bowling shoes?"

"No, we can just wear our socks." He told me and I nodded. We took our shoes off and left them at the line that said we couldn't wear street shoes beyond it. After setting up, Jack went first. I watched as he knocked down most of the pins. Then it was my turn to embarrass myself. I released the ball and watched it go straight into the gutter.

"We can have Jim put up the bumpers." Jack chuckled.

"Haha, very funny," I said as I sat down.

\----------------------------

"Can I ask you kind of a personal question?" Jack asked causing my heart rate to speed up. But I agreed. "Rian thinks you're.... gay, and I don't want to over step my boundaries, but... is that true?" I stared at him for a moment. He looked over at me then back at the road. "Look, I don't mind if you are. I am," he said with a shrug. I wasn't expecting that.

"Um.... Y-yeah, I actually am." I admitted. He smiled at me.

"Cool," he said.

"Wait, why does Rian think I'm gay?" He laughed.

"He thinks you have a crush on me. Which nobody would blame you if you did. Have you seen me?" I laughed when he winked at me. But I didn't reply. I actually did have a small crush on him, but I barely knew him. I figured I just found him attractive because he really was.

After we got home, we walked up the steps together. He seemed a little more on edge now.

"See you tomorrow?" I asked before he walked away.

"Um, probably," was all he said before he said bye and walked away. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I wasn't going to pry. I walked inside and all the lights were off except for the kitchen counter light. Mom must be sleeping. I locked the door and then went to my room. I quickly changed clothes before grabbing my laptop and sitting on the bed. I opened Twitter and scrolled through everything quickly. I didn't really talk to anyone even though I had hundreds of followers. I wasn't even that desirable online. After checking the few notifications I had, I got off and went to Facebook to repeat the process. Twitter was strangers mostly, Facebook was family. Both ignore me the same, pretty much. I can get sympathy from some family if I post the right things, but I don't hear much from them after that.

I finally just opened YouTube and started my music playlist before sitting the laptop down. I grabbed the nearby book I had been reading and laid back to read. I heard a soft knock on the door before it cracked open. I smiled at my mom as she walked in.

"Did you have fun?" She asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. I laid my book open on my stomach to keep my place.

"Yeah, it was fun," I said and she smiled.

"That's good." I knew what she was doing. She was giving me the chance to talk if I needed to.

"Jack said one of his friends thought I was gay." I said, the look on her face instantly told me I picked the wrong words. "Like, he thought I had a crush on Jack." Her face softened a little.

"How did he react?"

"He was cool with it. He's actually gay too." I told her. She had been pretty accepting of me being gay. Her biggest concern was if I still planned to give her grandkids one day.

"So, do you like him?" My cheeks heated up a bit and she smiled.

"I mean, he's cute." I said with a shrug. She just laughed a little before reaching over to squeeze my thigh.

"Get some sleep, kid." She told me before getting up and walking out.

\----------------------

**Jack's POV:**

After dealing with my dad again tonight, I went to my room and started texting Zack. He was the only person who knows what I go through at home, and he only knows because he saw it first hand one night.

**Zack: Do you want to come spend the night here? ******

**Jack: No, he got it all out when I got home, so I think I'll be okay now.**

**Zack: K, but the offer will stand... So how did your date go? ;)**

**Jack: First, it wasn't a date and second, it went good. We went to Mike's Bowling Alley and then to Taco Bell.**

**Zack: So romantic.**

**Jack: It wasn't a date!**

**Zack: Whatever you say. Just be safe. ;)**

**Jack: Pervert.**

I smirked before getting up. I had to take a shower. It had been at least a week since I last had one. My dad didn't like me using water or anything. I cracked the door open to see where my dad was. He was asleep in his chair. Which meant I was safe for now. I quickly and quietly slipped into the bathroom and turned the water on. I stripped quickly and got in. I stood under the water for a few minutes and just let the warm water run over my body. It was one of the few joys I had left in life.

Even though I wanted to stay in the shower til I ran out of hot water, I knew I couldn't though. I washed off and then got out. After I dried off, I put clean underwear on and my pjs. I cracked the door again to check, he was still in his chair. I quietly slipped back into my room. I picked up my phone to see a text from Zack.

 **Zack: On a serious note, do you like Alex?** I stared at the phone for a moment before replying.

**Jack: I wouldn't turn him down.**

I actually really did like Alex, but I couldn't get serious with anyone. It never ended well. The last relationship I had ended with me being thrown down a staircase and then having to walk an hour, alone, in the dark, just to get home and get in trouble for "running away to fuck a fag." That was one of the few times I didn't have a choice but to go to the hospital. I blamed it all on my boyfriend though and he got in trouble for everything my dad did along with throwing me down the stairs.

My door suddenly flew open, making me jump. My dad stood in the door way and looked pissed.

"Get the hell out of my house, my buddies are stopping by." I didn't argue, I jumped up and grabbed my school bag and what I called my emergency back pack before quickly running past him and out the door, grabbing my sneakers on the way out. I put my sneakers on after I got outside. I put the back pack on and just carried my school bag. I guess it was another night at Zack's house.

"Where are you going so late?" I jumped at the voice and turned to see Alex sitting on the stairs of the apartment building.

"What are you doing out here? It's freezing." I pointed out. He was wearing pj pants, a hoodie, and sneakers.

"I was, um, talking to my grandpa." He made an odd face. "My mom doesn't get along with him that well so I came out here to talk to him." I just nodded in understanding before sitting next to him. I wanted to tell him why I was leaving, but decided to just tell him half of the truth.

"My dad is having some friends over, so I'm heading to Zack's for the night."

"Why are you leaving just because they're coming over?"

"They get kind of loud after a while. I still have homework I have to get done.... I probably should text Zack and tell him I'm coming over." I said, checking for my phone. Great, it was still laying on my bed. "Damn it, I forgot my phone."

"Can't you just go get it?" My eyes widened and I tried to think of a reason why I couldn't. "And why are you in your pajamas with no jacket?" As I tried to come up with an excuse, I realized something else. My keys were still on my dresser too. I finally sighed and looked around.

"If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone else. I mean, you can't tell your mom, your grandpa, teachers, nobody." He just nodded. "Pinky promise?" I held out my pinky and he chuckled before locking his to mine.

"Pinky promise," he agreed. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"My dad kicks me out of the house a lot. Normally I stay with Zack, but I don't like him knowing it happens as often as it actually does. So sometimes I get a motel room or just sleep out here in my car. I don't have my keys, and Zack's house is too far to walk in the dark, so I guess it's the shady motel down the road where hookers and drug dealers work." I chuckled, trying to make the situation lighter. It wouldn't be the first time I had stayed there. I always kept some money in my emergency back pack, so that wouldn't be a problem.

"Jack, you are not staying there. You can stay with me tonight, and any other time you need to." I saw the compassion and sympathy in his eyes.

"Thanks, but I don't want to be a burden. I've stayed at the motel before, it's not as bad as it sounds." He shook his head no.

"Even if I have to drag you to my bedroom and tie you down, you're staying with me." I chuckled and looked at him.

"You like it kinky, huh?" I winked at him. I laughed when his face turned red. "I'm just kidding. If you're absolutely positive that it's okay, I'll stay. Are you sure your mom won't mind?"

"I'm positive she won't. Now, come on," he said before standing up. I followed him inside and his mom was sitting on the couch. "Mom, do you mind if Jack stays the night?" Alex gave his mom a look I couldn't place but she seemed to realize what it was. She then turned and smiled at me.

"Of course, make yourself at home, sweetie."

"Thank you, Mrs. Gaskarth." She just smiled at me. Alex motioned for me to follow him and led me to his room.

"Um, you can take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor. I'll have to go get some more pillows and blankets."

"Why can't we both sleep on the bed?" I asked and his face turned red again, making me chuckle. "I'm not going to rape you or anything." I sarcastically assured him as I set my bags down. He laughed a little.

"Okay, we can both sleep on the bed." He agreed. I sat down and looked around his room. I had only been in here once. He had unpacked a little more since I was last here. "Um, do you want something to eat or drink?"

"Sure, a drink, please." I said and he nodded before leaving the room. He came back with two cans of Coke. I thanked him and opened mine. He stood awkwardly near the door. "You don't have to be shy. It's just me," I pointed out and patted the bed beside me. His face turned red for the third time tonight and he awkwardly sat next to me. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and stared at the floor.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked and I smiled.

"Sure," he stood up and opened one of the boxes.

"Um, these are the ones I have and there are some more in the living-room." I stood up and went through the movies.

"What's your favorite?" I asked and he shrugged.

"It doesn't matter to me, you pick." I looked through them and finally pulled out Jurassic Park. He smiled and took it to put in. We both laid back against the head board of the bed as the trailers played. He skipped what he could and then we waited. "If you get cold I have extra blankets."

"Or I can just spoon you," I winked again. As I figured would happen, his cheeks brightened again, making me laugh. He was so easy to get to and I found that really cute.

About halfway through the movie, Alex fell asleep and at some point ended up slumping to the side. His head was now on my shoulder and he had his knees pulled up and resting against my thigh. I didn't mind though. It was kind of nice. I started to doze off so I rested my head on top of his and allowed myself to sleep.


	4. I'd Do Anything

**Alex's POV:**

I woke up really confused. I was leaning against someone but I wasn't sure who. I lifted my head to see Jack sitting there staring down at me. I quickly moved away from him and my face turned red again. That seemed to happen a lot when he was around. He just laughed and kept staring at me. I rubbed my eye before speaking.

"Sorry about that," he just shrugged.

"I don't mind," he replied. "Though you do drool a little." He pointed out and I looked at his shirt. It was wet where I had been laying. My face was blazing hot now.

 _Nice going, Alex._ I scolded myself while looking away from him. I heard him laugh and elbowed me gently.

"It's okay, I really don't mind." I finally looked at him and he was smiling at me.

"So, do you want some breakfast?" I offered, he shrugged.

"If you're ready for breakfast." I just nodded before climbing off of the bed. He followed me to the kitchen where I looked through the cabinets, fridge, and freezer.

"Well, we have cereal but no milk apparently, eggs, some left over pizza, left over meatloaf that I wouldn't trust, frozen waffles, and frozen burritos... Does any of that sound good?" I asked, causing him to laugh a little.

"How about waffles?" He suggested and I nodded before pulling out the box. There were only two left, so I popped them in the toaster and once they were done I put them on a plate and handed them along with the syrup to Jack. "Aren't you eating?" I nodded and pulled out the left over pizza.

"Cold pizza is amazing for breakfast," I told him. He chuckled and shook his head before eating his waffles. I grabbed two Cokes out of the fridge and gave one to him, getting a nod in response. We ate in silence and I tried not to stare at Jack. I had never really had friends, so I wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't good at socializing. The few friends I have had over the years always did most of the talking. I just kind of sat quietly and awkwardly while they talked. I just always felt that I didn't have anything interesting to say.

"So..." Jack trailed off. As if that didn't make this more awkward. I scrambled for something to say, but couldn't find anything. "Does your grandpa still live in Baltimore?" I figured he didn't actually care, but it was a nice attempt.

"No, he lives in England. That's where I was born. We moved to Baltimore when I was seven." I explained and he seemed amazed by that.

"You're from England?"

"Yeah, but I don't really remember anything about it. I just remember being at my Grandpa's house and I kind of remember the house we lived in. But not much else. My grandpa has been trying to get me come stay the summer with him since we moved, but Mom never wanted me traveling so far alone. And now it's just that she needs me here." I always got disappointed when Mom said no, but I asked every year anyway. Grandpa always brought it up a couple of months before summer break.

"I don't want to pry, but why doesn't your mom get along with your grandpa?" I thought for a moment before replying.

"I actually don't really know. It's definitely one-sided. I talk to him almost every night and he always tells me to tell Mom he said hi and that he loves her, but she never has anything to say in return. Plus, I told him about us struggling to get a place of our own, so he sent a check to Mom to help us get a place and often asks me how things are going. Mom kind of looked the other way and pretended the money just appeared rather than admit he really saved our asses." I said, chuckling a little. Jack just stared at me and it seemed he was in deep thought.

"It's a shame that your mom doesn't get along with him. It seems like he really loves you both." I just nodded.

"He does, and now that we don't have Grandma anymore, he's my only grandparent who gives a crap about me. My dad's parents never really cared to be in my life. I was two and a half months old before they saw me for the first time. And I only stayed at their house once which was when my dad got hurt and was at the hospital. Even then they only kept me for one night before handing me off to my mom's parent's first thing in the morning." I wasn't sure why I was telling him all of this, but there was something about Jack that made me want to tell him everything. Even about Ricky. But I couldn't go that deep. I felt I could trust Jack, but I wanted to wait. Just to be sure.

"That really sucks... If it makes you feel better, my life story is pretty crappy too. None of my grandparents give a crap about me, my mom left when I eleven, and my dad couldn't care less if I was at the house or not." I stared at him, not being sure what to say. He just chuckled. "It really is okay though. Just a couple more years and then I'm out of this town and on my way to somewhere else."

"Like where?" I asked, hoping to cheer him up. He thought for a moment before replying.

"New York City for a while, maybe California, Germany for sure, and England wouldn't be bad either." He smiled and I returned it.

"Maybe we can both get to England," I said and his smiled widened.

"I would love to go together." I hadn't exactly meant it that way, but it was nice to see him smile so brightly. I couldn't help still feel bad for him.

"My dad left last year, so I know how bad it sucks." His face softened and he looked kind of sad.

"I'm really-" I cut him off.

"Sorry, I know. Everyone is even though they had nothing to do with it. The only person who should being saying their sorry is my dad... But that's not going to happen." He just stared at me with sympathy on his face. "But like you said, it's okay." I smiled at him, causing him to do the same.

"So, do you want to hang around here today? Or go do something? When... um... when you will be able to go back h-home?" I asked awkwardly. I didn't want to re-open wounds from last night. "I mean, I don't care if you stay here. You can stay as long as you need. I was just, um, just c-curious." I stammered.

"I'm not really sure. Normally if he kicks me out on a Friday I just wait until Monday night because life kind of goes back to normal after he goes to work and I go to school." He told me and I only nodded.

"There's an un-opened tooth brush in the right top drawer in the bathroom you can use, and anything else in there you need. And you can borrow some of my clothes, though I'm not sure my jeans will fit. You're kind of taller than me." He laughed a little.

"I have some jeans and a couple of shirts in my bag. I also have a tooth brush, tooth paste, deodorant, and some other things in there. Thank you though." He smiled and I smiled back. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Jack decided to go get changed and ready for the day. While he was doing that, I went and sat on the couch with my laptop. I repeated the same process I do every day. Twitter, Facebook, music. I had "I'd Do Anything" by Simple Plan playing when I heard a voice behind me singing along. I turned to see Jack singing and doing a stupid little dance which made me laugh.

"You have awesome taste in music." He said when he sat down. I turned the music down a bit and thanked him. We both sat there and listened to music, Jack made little comments about songs here and there.

"So, what do you want to do today?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Anything is fine with me." I thought for a moment while looking around the room.

"We have movies and video games, that's about it." He laughed a little.

"Video games are cool," Jack said.

"My consoles and games are in my room. I can move them out here though, if you want." I told him and he shook his head.

"We can just go in there." I smiled and nodded. After we picked out a game, we both laid back on the bed and played in mostly silence. I liked that Jack wasn't awkward around me even though I was awkward. Most people had a hard time being around me because I had a hard time being social. Jack seemed comfortable around me and as if he didn't mind my personality. Which was nice.

\------------------------------

It was night time and Jack was staying over again. I had really enjoyed my day with him. It was nice to actually have someone other than my mom to hang out with. We were currently laying on the bed watching a movie. I was laying on my back with my arm behind my head and Jack was curled up on his side with his head on my stomach. It was causing me to have thoughts about us being together. I kept pushing those away. Sure, he was okay with being friends, but he was way out of my league. There was no way he would ever fall for me. I could still fantasize though.

"Hey, Alex," he said, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything," he said and I smiled even though he couldn't see it.

"No problem," was all I said. We went back to silently watching the movie.

**Jack's POV:**

Being with Alex all day really had me falling for him. He was adorable, sweet, funny, and caring. He had opened up so much more now than he was last night. He had made a few jokes and little comments that made me laugh. He was actually really funny after he got comfortable. I was curled up with my head on his stomach and it felt great. By the time the movie was over, Alex had fallen asleep. I laid there and listened to him breathe and mumble in his sleep. It was cute that he talked in his sleep.

The door cracked open quietly, catching my attention. His mom poked her head in with a smile.

"I just came to say goodnight." She whispered, I only smiled in response. I propped myself up on my elbow as she walked over to Alex. She pushed his hair away from his face and kissed his forehead before looking over at me. She smoothed down my wild hair with a smile. "Goodnight, Jack, I hope you sleep well."

"Thank you, Mrs. Gaskarth." I smiled before she left the room. I turned around and laid back down, this time facing Alex. I laid my head back on his stomach and watched him. I couldn't help but feel a little sad because tomorrow would be my last day here. I was going to stay tomorrow night, unless they're ready to kick me out, and then go home from school. The same as always. I really enjoyed being here because I felt safe. It was the same at Zack's house, but there was something different about being here. I always hated leaving Zack's house, but I had to. The same as here. My dad would be looking for me by Monday night if I wasn't there to clean and cook.

My mind went to Mrs. Gaskarth and her dad. I really wished people would appreciate what they have. Her dad obviously loved her and Alex greatly, but she was holding some kind of grudge or something. I don't think she realizes how lucky she is. And I don't think Alex understands how lucky he is. Sure, his mom and him have it kind of hard, but they have each other. As cliche and Hallmarky as that sounds, it was true.

Alex began moving around a little, making noises, and mumbling words. Was he having a nightmare? He started repeating the words "No" and "Stop." He was really freaking out now. I sat up quickly and started shaking him. His eyes suddenly shut open and he started pushing me away. He looked terrified.

"Alex! Alex! It's me! It's Jack!" I said, pinning his arms down so he wouldn't hurt me or himself. He finally stopped and seemed to realize where he was. He was breathing hard.

"I-I'm sorry, Jack." He said, he pulled his knees up to his chest as he tried to calm down.

"Are you okay?" I asked, he seemed really freaked out.

"Y-yeah," he said, running a hand over his face. "It was just a nightmare." Something told me it was more than a nightmare.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I offered and he shook his head.

"I'm really sorry about that. I hope I didn't wake you up." I shook my head.

"No, I was still awake." I replied, he only nodded in response. "Are you okay now?" He nodded again, but still looked freaked out.

"C-can you go get my m-mom?" He asked and I nodded.

"Of course," I wasted no time in jumping off the bed and hurrying to his mom's room. I knocked softly before opening the door. She sat up and turned her bedside light on.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, I could tell I had woke her up.

"Um, Alex had a nightmare and," she began getting out of bed instantly. "And he's really freaked out. He asked for you," I told her as she started towards his room. I stayed back to let them talk. I figured Alex needed some time alone with her to talk this out. I sat on the couch and waited. I couldn't stop worrying about him. Was there something wrong? Was this a re-occurring nightmare or something?

\------------------------------------

I opened my eyes and was really confused for a moment. I then realized I was laying on Alex's couch. I sat up and allowed myself a moment to wake up before going to the bathroom. The events from last night came back and after I was finished in the bathroom, I went to Alex's room to check on him. Him and his mom were still laying on his bed. She was awake and was gently pushing his hair back and he had his head on her chest. He looked like a scared little boy being comforted by his mom. She held her finger up to tell me to be quiet. I just nodded before walking back out of the room. A few minutes later she came out of his room.

"Is he okay?" I asked and she nodded.

"All I can tell you is that he's had a hard time the last couple of years. But he's getting better.... Just promise me you won't hurt him?" She asked and I nodded my head.

"Of course I won't," I said and she gave me a small smile.

"Is he awake?" I asked, she shook her head no.

"No, he's still sleeping. I have to get ready for work or I'll be late. Are you going to be okay until he wakes up?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I said and she nodded. She went to her room to get ready for work and I went back to his room. I sat on the bed next to him. He was curled up under the covers now. I sat with my legs crossed and watched him. I was scared for him. What was that all about last night? Was he actually okay? What had happened in his past that would make him like this?

I sat there with him for about another hour before he woke up.

"Good morning sleepy-head." I said and he smiled a little.

"Good morning," he replied before sitting up. His face dropped slowly. Probably realizing what had happened last night.

"How are you doing?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I'm okay," was all he said. "You?"

"I'm good," I answered. We sat there in silence for a few minutes before he stretched.

"Have you already eaten?" I shook my head no. "Let's go find something," he said before getting up. I followed him to the kitchen and he looked through everything before deciding to make us scrambled eggs. He put cheese and ketchup on his and I stared at him odd for a second.

"What? It's delicious." He said before taking a bite of the mixture.

"No, what's delicious is syrup on eggs." I told him before pouring some over my eggs. We talked a little as we ate. "So where did you learn to play guitar?"

"My uncle, Mom's brother, taught me originally, and then I started taking lessons from a guy who lived near us. Do you play any instruments?"

"I play guitar, too," I answered.

"Cool," he smiled. I could tell he wanted to say something else, but was avoiding it. I decided to ask him something instead.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" I knew I was going to regret this, but it was killing me and I had to know.

"S-sure," I saw the fear in his eyes so I offered a smile to assure him it was okay.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I saw him relax a little.

"No, I don't.... D-do you?" I shook my head.

"Nope," I popped the P. "I haven't dated much. I've had two boyfriends and neither one went well." He nodded.

"I can relate. I've had one and it was horrible." He laughed a little, but I could tell it was fake. At least I knew that much. I wanted to keep going, but I knew I would regret that. I couldn't ask him out. Not right now anyway. And if he was against dating now because of his horrible relationship, then he would probably say no. And that would probably ruin our friendship. Maybe it would be worth the risk though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'd Do Anything" is still one of my all time favorite songs and I think it will fit with some of the parts of this story.


	5. Rejection And Old Friends

**Alex's POV:**

It was finally Monday. The one day I had been dreading. Jack was apparently going home after school. I played my guitar while waiting for Jack to get ready for school. I strummed the chords to the song I wrote and Jack walked into the room. I kept playing while he gathered his stuff.

"What song is that?" I blushed a little.

"The one I was singing the other day." I answered and he smiled.

"That really was a good song." My blushed deepened and I thanked him. "I know I already asked about it, but is it about the horrible relationship you had?" He asked, sitting down beside me.

"Yeah," I said, staring down.

"I'm sorry," he said and I shook my head.

"It's okay," I told him. "We should probably head to school. Don't wanna be late," I forced a laugh and he nodded. I knew he could tell I was avoiding the whole situation. After we grabbed our stuff and Jack put his over-night bag near the door, we left. The walk to school was quiet. Jack seemed to have a lot on his mind.

"Can I hang out at your place until my dad gets off work? I kind of don't have my key." He asked and I smiled.

"Of course," I said. He thanked me and then we went our separate ways at the school. He caught up with Rian and Zack and I went to my secluded locker. By secluded I mean that I know absolutely no one nearby. Not that I really knew that many people yet anyway. After I got what I needed, I turned to hurry to my class. I didn't want to be late. I turned the corner and ran straight into something large. Before I realized what happened, I was shoved hard enough to send me to the floor. I looked up to see two jocks standing over me.

"Watch where you're going, fag." One of them warned. I stared up at them with wide eyes. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just sat there and stared. "Get the fuck out of here." He said in a raised tone, making me flinch. I scrambled to collect my stuff with shaking hands and get up. I tried to leave, but one of them stuck out his foot and tripped me, making me fall to my knees on the hard floor. I'm surprised my knee caps didn't shatter from the impact. I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut for a second. I stood up quickly though and pretty much ran away from them.

 _Great, just what I need. More bullies._ I thought as I rushed to my first lesson. Once I entered the room I went straight to the back and sat in the far right corner. I was already ready for this day to end. I just wanted to go home and lock myself in my room. At least Jack will be there for a while when we get home. It shocked me that thinking of Jack made me slightly happier. What does that mean? I couldn't fall for him. Not after what happened with Ricky. I'm better being single and alone for the rest of my life.

\----------------------------

It was the end of the school day and I was so happy to go home. I hurriedly got my stuff out of my locker, slamming the door and rushing to get out of there. As I was going down the front steps of the school building, I was suddenly shoved from behind. I lost my balance and went flying forward, tumbling down the stone steps painfully. I heard laughing and when I finally reached the bottom, I looked up to see the jock from earlier and a few others. There was no doubt in my mind that they were the ones who shoved me, based on the way it seemed so hilarious to them.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone ask. I looked over to see Zack standing beside me with his hand out. I just nodded and took his hand, allowing him to help me up. I winced when I stood. I really fucked up my ankle. "Can you make it home?" I shrugged.

"I don't have a choice," I said and he gave me a sympathetic look.

"I can give you a ride home," he offered.

"I normally walk with Jack and-" he cut me off.

"Well, he's coming to my house, so he'll be in the car too." I felt my stomach drop. I thought he was coming back to my house? Why did he change his mind?

"O-oh, well, um," I felt the hurt in my chest and I tried to hide it. I really didn't want to ride home with them. If Jack didn't want to be around me, I wasn't going to force him. And obviously he had spent three nights with me, that was enough to drive anyone insane. "I-I think I'll be okay walking." I said.

"Are you positive?" I just nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be okay," I gave him a completely fake smile before carefully walking away. I was trying to act like I was fine by walking normally, but it wasn't working. I was limping a little and it hurt like hell. I glanced over my shoulder to see if Zack was still watching me. He wasn't, but Jack was. I looked away quickly and continued home.

As soon as I walked through my bedroom door, I broke down. I had held it all in the entire walk home. I wasn't sure why Jack not coming over hurt so much. I don't know why I felt so rejected. But I did. I was really hurt. Maybe it's because he was the first actual friend I have had in a really long time. Maybe it's because he doesn't know anything about my past so I know he's not just hanging around out of pity. Then again, maybe he still was. I was a pretty pathetic person in general, so maybe he just felt bad for me. Maybe seeing me break down after a nightmare and ask for my mom like a big baby was enough for him to decide he didn't want anything to do with me. That just made me cry harder.

Why was I so stupid as to think that someone could actually care about me? I was so screwed up! Of course nobody would want to be friends with me after seeing everything Jack had seen this weekend. He knew I was screwed up just from being with me for three nights. It wasn't hard to see. I'm sure most people at school knew too. I should have known better than to allow myself to fall for Jack. I couldn't believe I was admitting it, but how else could I describe these feelings of rejection? I had fallen for him and now I was realizing that he didn't want me. He was just like everyone else. He only pitied me.

A dark thought popped into my head. It was one I hadn't had for four months. I stood up and dug through my desk drawers until I found a pair of small scissors. I then dug around until I found a lighter. I slipped into the bathroom just in case my mom came home. I took my jacket off before flicking the lighter on. I moved the flame back and forth under the blades of the scissors in a small movement. I heated up a small portion of the metal before touching it to my left wrist. I hissed and yanked it back before pressing back down immediately. I repeated this process of touch-and-pull until I got to where I could hold it against myself. I winced in pain as the metal burned my skin. I checked the place and it was slightly red, but not enough to where it would leave a mark. I heated the scissors again and repeated the process. I kept going until I developed a good blister. I then started on a new place.

After that place also blistered, I ran the scissors under cold water. I wasn't sure why I did that, I just always had. It's not like the scissors were red hot or anything. They didn't need to be cooled. But whatever, it was a part of my routine I guess. I grabbed my jacket and other things before heading back to my room. My wrist was still burning, but it felt nice. As horrible as that sounds. It would keep me satisfied for a while. I had always felt that burning was better than cutting. Mostly because I had tried cutting once and it terrified me. Then I had met someone who burned and I decided to try that. No blood and not many people noticed small burn marks. Everyone noticed cuts and when I had mine, I got asked about it by a few people. Nobody other than my mom ever asked about my burn marks. Plus, I don't want to die, so I felt this was a safer form of self release.

When I got to my room, I checked my phone to see I had two texts. One was from Grandpa and the other was from Jack. I checked Grandpa's first.

 **Gramps: Hey, bud! How was school?** I typed a quick reply.

 **Alex: Awful, but what else is new?** Grandpa was the only other person besides Mom that I was comfortable talking to. He knew pretty much everything Mom knew. Maybe even a little more because there were certain things I didn't want to worry Mom with. I decided to check Jack's text even though I really wanted to avoid him.

 **Jack: Sorry about changing plans last minute. I'll explain later. Can I still stop by to pick up my bag?** I stared at the text for a few minutes. I really didn't want to see him or have him explain how he didn't want to hang out anymore. But I found myself replying to him anyway.

 **Alex: No problem. Sure, stop by whenever.** I sighed and laid back on the bed. My wrist was on my stomach, my burns aching from touching my body. I held my wrist up to examine the blisters. I should probably pop them before Mom got home. If she realized how fresh they were, she would probably get suspicious. She knew I had done this to myself before and she made me promise I wouldn't do it again. I never kept that promise though. And I was sure she knew.

I stood up and grabbed a safety pin that was laying on my desk. I went back to the bathroom and got some toilet paper before using the needle to pop the blisters, dabbing at them to dry them. It hurt, but it was just a part of this. A part I had become too comfortable with.

"Alex, are you home?" My mom yelled through the apartment. I flushed the toilet even though I hadn't used it and came out of the bathroom. I smiled at my mom who returned it. "Where's Jack? Did he already go home?" I shook my head.

"He went to his friend's house. He's stopping by later to get his bag though," I said, motioning toward the bag near the door. She nodded.

"So how was school?" She asked as she went to her room. I followed her and stood in the doorway.

"It sucked, like school always does." She looked at me with concern.

"What happened?" I just sighed before walking over and sitting on her bed.

"Just some jocks. I literally ran into one today and then they later pushed me when I was going down the front steps and I fell the rest of the way. My ankle is pretty fucked up-" she gave me a warning look. "Sorry... Plus I'm covered in bruises and scrapes." I said, showing her what I meant. Luckily, she didn't seem to think much of the marks on my wrist. With the other marks she must have overlooked the burns.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry that happened. Do you want me to talk to your principal?" I shook my head no. 

"I don't think that will solve much." I pointed out and she gave me a sad look.

"You'll be okay, honey. I promise," she said before hugging me tightly. I hugged her back. I loved my mom's hugs. They always made me feel safe. Call me a baby if you want to, but my mom was the most important person in my life. Her and Grandpa were the only two who stayed by my side even after everything that happened. But Grandpa couldn't be here to hug me and hold me through the hard times like Mom was. "Are you okay?" She asked and I just nodded, letting go of her.

"Yeah, I think I might take a nap until Jack gets here. It was a long day," I laughed a little with no real humor.

"Okay, sweetie, just yell if you need anything." She said, I thanked her before heading to my room. I shut the door quietly and then changed into my pajamas before crawling under the blankets. I grabbed my phone and checked it again. Grandpa had asked what happened, so I gave him a quick run down not too different than what I told Mom. I also had one from Jack, but I ignored it for now. I then turned my phone off and curled up under the blankets. It wasn't long before I dozed off.

\--------------------------

**Jack's POV:**

"Are you okay?" Zack asked from his place on the couch. He was laying on his back with his arm behind his head. I was in the recliner with my feet up in the chair and knees against the arm of the chair. I just nodded.

"Alex isn't replying to me. I've sent him like five texts." I said and Zack smiled.

"He might be busy." I just sighed.

"Yeah, but I'm worried about him. I wish he would reply." Zack had told me about what happened and I felt really bad for not being there to protect him. I wasn't sure why I felt bad though. I mean, sure, I might have a slight crush on him, but I'm sure he didn't want me hanging over him like that.

"You'll see him in a bit." Zack reminded me. I was actually really nervous about that. I had made the decision to explain to Alex what was going on. That would explain why I chose to come to Zack's instead of going to his place. It wasn't that I was a douche, I just had a lot of problems and Zack was the only person who knew about them. And I needed that right now. "Are you doing okay?" I just nodded and he returned it.

"Are you boys just going to sit in here and stare at the screen all day?" Mrs. Merrick asked with a smile as she walked into the room.

"It's been pretty rewarding so far." I replied and she laughed a little while shaking her head.

"Are you staying for dinner, Jack?" She asked and I smiled.

"If you don't mind," I replied, knowing what the answer would be.

"Of course not," she said before heading back to the kitchen. Mrs. Merrick kind of knew what was going on at home. She didn't know about the abuse, but she knew about the neglect and how my dad would kick me out sometimes. She had sat me down to talk about it after she found out. I begged her to not report it because I didn't want to be placed in foster care or something. I swore that it wasn't as bad as it sounded and that the day I turned eighteen I was out of there. I begged her to just help me out for the next few years. I knew it killed her to agree, but she did. She told me I was welcome at the house whenever and all I had to do was call and they were there, even if it was three in the morning. She also assured me that if I ever changed my mind and wanted her to help me report it, she would. I really appreciated everything they had done for me. Even Mr. Merrick was supportive of me.

"What are you thinking about?" Zack asked, breaking my blank stare away from the coffee table in front of the couch.

"I was just thinking," I replied. He only nodded. He knew if it was something big I would tell him, if not now then eventually. He knew pretty much every detail of my life. I wasn't looking forward to going home tonight. But I had to after dinner. I didn't have a choice now.


	6. Salt In The Snow

**Jack's POV:**

My heart was pounding when Zack pulled into the apartment parking-lot. I wasn't looking forward to facing Alex. Especially since I was getting ready to have the most real talk ever.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Zack offered.

"No, I think I'll be okay. I'll text you later," I told him. He only nodded. I got out and walked up the stairs. Zack did as he always did and sat in the parking-lot until I was safely inside somewhere. I knocked on Alex's door and a few moments later Mrs. Gaskarth opened the door.

"Oh, Jack, come on in," she said, stepping aside to let me in. I looked back at Zack's car which was pulling out of his parking space because I was going inside. "Alex is in his room. You can go ahead in," she told me with a smile. I smiled and thanked her before heading to Alex's room. I knocked softly before opening the door. I found him curled up under the blankets asleep. He was snoring slightly and it was kind of cute. I shut the door quietly before walking over and sitting on the edge of his bed. I didn't mean to look like a creep, but I enjoyed watching him sleep. It was one of the few times he appeared peaceful. He always seemed so scared and timid.

After watching him for about fifteen minutes, I finally decided to wake him up. I shook his shoulder gently.

"Alex... Lex, wake up," I quietly said. His eyes opened and he blinked a few times before he looked at me.

"Hey," was all he said. I smiled at him.

"Hey," I said back. He rubbed his eyes before sitting up. "So I kind of owe you an explanation. I swear I wasn't trying to be a dick." He shook his head.

"It's okay, I understand that I can be hard to be around. I get it, you needed to get away from me." I saw the hurt on his face even though he was staring down. I pulled my eyebrows together.

"Alex, that's not why I did what I did, I swear. I've enjoyed being with you the last couple of days, and I'm being honest. I need to tell you something, but you have promise me you won't tell anyone else." I said.

"Okay," he said, finally looking at me. He still looked hurt though.

"Pinky promise?" I held up my pinky, he smiled before locking our pinkies together. "Good, and I'm holding you to the original tradition of the pinky promise. If you break it, you cut your pinky off." I said, watching the horror appear on his face.

"What?" I laughed and shook my head.

"I'm kidding," I said and he chuckled a little. I stayed quiet for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Okay, you know I have issues with my dad. Well, he really does hurt me, but it's nothing I can't handle. The reason I didn't come over today was because I got this text, not because I didn't want to be around you." I said as I pulled out my phone. I found the text before handing it to Alex. I watched as he read the text and the look of shock on his face. I had read the text several times.

 **Dad: You're ass better be home tonight. You're really in for it this time, you little fag. I swear I'm going to fucking beat your ass until you can't move.** And I wouldn't put it past him. I knew I was really in for it when I got home. Which was why I was dreading going home. Alex read it a couple of times before looking at me with pure horror on his face.

"Jack, you can't go home. W-we'll go to the police or something." I shook my head and grabbed his hand as he started to get off the bed.

"Alex, you pinky promsied." I saw the look of sadness and terror on his face.

"But Jack-" I cut him off.

"No, Alex, you can't tell anyone... That's why I didn't come over. I went to Zack's because he's the only other person who knows and I just needed to be with someone who understood. I swear I enjoy being with you. In fact..." I couldn't believe I was getting ready to do this, but I had no other way to show him that I really did care. I kept a hold of his hand and leaned forward, gently pressing my lips to his. He stayed still for a moment before kissing back. So much for not getting involved like this. Too late now. I didn't regret it though. He needed to know he was wanted.

We sat quietly after the kiss ended. I waited for him to start yelling at me or something, but instead he just touched his lips and stared down.

"You kissed me," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back with a smile. Man, he was adorable. There was a small smile tugging at his lips which made me smile bigger. At least this was a nice moment before hell began. I was getting ready to tell him I had to leave when he leaned forward and kissed me again. I returned the kiss. It wasn't a heated kiss, it was soft and gentle. It was as if Alex wasn't sure what to do, which was cute.

"Okay, I really do need to get home before I piss my dad off anymore." I said, trying to stand up, but Alex grabbed my hand to stop me.

"Please don't go, Jack. I don't want you to get hurt," it killed me to see the worry in his eyes.

"Alex, I swear I will be okay. I'll text you later on, okay?" I leaned down and kissed him again before gently pulling my hand away from him. I was terrified as I left, grabbing my bag on the way out. I went to my apartment and knocked. The door flew open a few seconds later. My dad saw me and his face turned to one of anger. He grabbed my arm and yanked me inside, throwing me to the floor instantly. I dropped my bags then the beating started. He began kicking me first.

"I know you stayed with that little fag next door over the weekend! Are you fucking him too? Huh?" He kicked me hard and I gasped and felt like I couldn't breathe. He kept going though. After a few minutes of the beating, he stopped. But I knew it wasn't over when I heard him removing his belt. I closed my eyes as the tears escaped. This was going to hurt. I stayed where I was and braced myself. I knew if I moved or begged then it would make this worse.

He beat me with the belt for what felt like ever. The entire time he told me how much he hated me, how I was getting exactly what "my kind" deserved, and how he wished I would just die already. I was all out sobbing by the time he stopped.

"Go to your room and I don't want to hear another sound out of you or you'll really get it." He threatened. Even though it hurt and took every ounce of strength I had left, I stood up and grabbed my stuff before going to my room. I laid on my side on the bed and sobbed for a few minutes. I just needed to break down. My entire body hurt and it still hurt to breathe. Why did my life have to be so screwed up? Why couldn't I have at least one parent who gave a damn about me? What was so wrong with me that both of my parents hated me?

My whole body was sore and I could barely move. I could feel the blood on my back and my shirt was stuck to me because of it. Why did my dad hate me so much? What did I do? He has been this way since the day I was born. I can't remember a time when he was nice or cared about me. I remember when I broke my arm from falling out of Zack's tree house, his parents were the ones to take me to the hospital, his mom was the one to sit with me while waiting for the doctor, his mom was the one who held me when I cried because I was in pain and scared, his parents were the ones who showered me with love and comfort. My dad was the one who called me a "fucking idiot" and told me I was grounded because I made him look bad.

When I get grounded, it's not from normal things. I get grounded from everything. I even got kicked out of the house for a week before. Zack didn't know that part though. He only thought it was for a couple of days because I wanted to stay with him the first couple of nights. I ended up stealing a blanket from his house and I stayed in the park the rest of the week. I returned the blanket the next time I was there. He knows about it now because I had told him a few weeks later.

After I stopped crying and caught my breath, I grabbed my phone and texted both Zack and Alex.

 **Jack: Finally in bed. Doing okay.** I sent it to both of them before painfully taking my jeans and shirt off. I inspected myself in the mirror. There were several gashes across my back that looked terrible and would definitely take a while to heal. I also had new bruises all over my stomach, sides, and back.

I put a clean shirt on before painfully crawling into bed. There wasn't a comfortable way to lay. Looks like I won't be sleeping tonight. I checked my phone and both of them had replied almost instantly.

 **Zack: Are you okay? What happened? Do you need to go to the hospital?** It was sad that my best friend was always ready to take me to the hospital. It was sad that I actually needed that service.

 **Alex: Are you okay? You can come back over if you need to.** I smiled at how sweet he was. I really wanted to kiss him again, but that would have to wait. I didn't reply to either one though. I was too exhausted. At least I had stopped crying. I tried to lay as still as I possibly could, but it wasn't helping, I was still in pain. School was going to be hell tomorrow.

\--------------------------

I hadn't slept very much last night. I decided to get up and leave before Dad woke up. I was still in a lot of pain. I really wish I could take a sick day, but I knew I couldn't. My dad won't write me a note and he would kill me if I skipped. I looked over at the clock and decided I could go ahead and get ready. I grabbed my clothes and quietly opened the door. I would have to shower because I had dried blood on my body and looked like hell. I braced myself before stepping into the shower. The warm water burned so badly. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited. I knew I couldn't use soap because that would kill me.

I used a wash clothes to gently clean the blood off the best I could. After I was done, I got out, dried off, and quickly brushed my teeth and got dressed. I opened the door quietly and checked, my dad was still in his room. He would be getting up soon and I didn't want to be here when he did. I put my shoes on and grabbed my stuff before quietly leaving. It was still too early for school, so I decided to walk to the park near the school and sat on one of the picnic tables. I pulled out my phone and decided to finally reply to Zack and Alex. I replied to Zack first.

 **Jack: I'm pretty fucked up, but I think I'll live.** I couldn't stop the shiver as the wind blew kind of hard. It was freezing out even though it was only September. I quickly typed a reply to Alex.

 **Jack: I'm okay.** I picked out a smiley face emoji before hitting send. I didn't want him to worry about me. My phone buzzed and it was Zack.

 **Zack: How bad?** I thought about lying, but decided to tell him the truth.

**Jack: I got the belt. I'm going to be fucked up for a while.**

**Zack: Jack, something really needs to be done about this. My offer still stands.** I knew exactly what he was talking about. He had offered for me to come live with him secretly. It's not like my dad would actually look for me or even care that I was gone. I had seriously considered the offer several times. It would be nice to know I was permanently safe, but I know the fear of dad finding me would kill me.

 **Jack: I know it does.** That was all I sent because it replied to both of his statements. I did know something needed to be done. But I only had about two years. I had to finish this school year, next summer, and next school year. I already swore that I was moving out of my house the day I graduated. Zack and I had already decided I would live with him until I could get my own place.

 **Alex: Are you still at home?** I really wanted to kiss Alex again. But I wondered how he felt. Or what this even meant. Were we together now? Did he even want to be with me? Are we supposed to pretend it didn't happen? Do I just ask him about it? Do I take him on a date? I liked the idea of a date with Alex.

 **Jack: No, I left early. I'm at the park.** I still had about an hour before school started. I shifted in my seat. My body really fucking hurt. I didn't get a reply from Alex, but I got one from Zack. We started talking about random shit just to pass the time.

"Hey," I jumped and whipped around to see who it was. Bad idea. I gasped in pain and squeezed my eyes shut. I would have to be more careful. I couldn't risk busting open the wounds. "Jack!" He exclaimed, rushing to me. I held up my hand to stop him.

"It's okay, I'm fine," I told him. By the look on his face, I could tell he didn't believe me. "You didn't have to come to the park," I pointed out, making him smile.

"I know, I wanted to." I smiled at that. We both sat there quietly. We both kind of played on our phones and made small talk. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. We just enjoyed being in each other's company. I kept thinking about the kiss. I really wanted another one. "What?" He asked with a small laugh. That was when I realized I had been staring at him. I smiled.

"Nothing...." I then decided to just ask him on a date. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be in another relationship. Besides, I'm pretty sure Alex wasn't into friends with benefits. "So, would you like to go on a, um... a date... with me? Maybe on Saturday?" I asked, I finally looked back up at him. He was staring at me and seemed unsure. He finally smiled but I could tell it was fake and it made my stomach drop. Maybe he wasn't into that.

"Um, I would love to.... Can I tell you something though?" He asked and I nodded. He stared down and twiddled his fingers. "A-after my last relationship.... I'm kind of, um... k-kind of afraid to, um, date." He told me and I smiled. I knew how he felt.

"We can go slow. Like, just keep doing what we're doing... But with kissing." He laughed a little and looked up at me.

"You're really willing to go slow? Like slow as a turtle?" He asked and I laughed a little.

"Even slower if that's what you need." He flashed the most adorable smile I had ever seen. "Do turtles kiss?" I asked, causing him to laugh.

"I supposed they could," he replied. I smirked.

"Good," I said before leaning in and kissing him softly. I wasn't sure where the line was drawn for right now, so I didn't try to go full make-out session. I broke the kiss and he smiled at me and I returned it. I looked at the time and sighed. "We should probably head to school."

"Okay," was all he said before standing up. I stood up too, wincing and hissing in pain as I did so. I saw the concerned look Alex was giving me and tried to smile. Even I knew how fake it looked. It was full of pain. "Jack, are you sure you're going to make it through the school day?"

"I don't have a choice. My dad may not give a fuck about a lot of things, but he's strict about my priorities. School being the biggest one." In all honesty, I believe it was to make himself look better. Who wants a kid who skips school all the time? Not my dad.

"Well, just take it easy, okay? And maybe find a way to get out of gym." I smiled and nodded.

"I will," I promised. I could always go to the nurse and tell her I had over worked myself at work and get her to write me a note to excuse me for the day. It's not like people wouldn't believe me because I was known for being truthful.

\-------------------------------

After we got to school, we had to go our separate ways. We had held hands all the way there and I kissed his cheek before releasing his hand. He smiled brightly at me before walking away. I watched him leave and noticed he hesitated for a moment before walking towards his locker. Did it have to do with James and his bunch of assholes. I really wished our lockers were next to each other and we had all of the same classes. Then I could protect him from them. Like I could protect anyone, I can't even protect myself. Heck, all James would have to do is give me a pat on the back and he would win instantly right now.

"Hey, there you are!" I heard Rian yell. Rian and Zack were walking towards me. I smiled at them. Once they got close enough, Zack nodded at me once and I shrugged. I knew he was asking if I was okay. After Rian left to his class, Zack took his chance.

"Are you still in a lot of pain?" He whispered.

"I got beat with a fucking belt, how the hell do you think I feel?" I whispered back. I saw his face turn to one of sympathy and I shook my head. "Don't worry about it, okay." I told him, looking around to make sure no one was listening in. He just nodded before we headed to our first class.

\------------------------------

Gym was one of the classes I had with Alex, which I was happy about. But today I would be on the bleachers watching everyone else run laps. It was slightly warmer now than it was this morning. I took a seat and pulled out my phone. I only looked up when someone sat beside me. I was surprised to see Alex.

"Aren't you supposed to be running laps?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I got out of it," he told me and I smiled.

"How?" He leaned closer to me before whispering.

"I forged my mom's signature. I wrote a note about how I had a nasty ingrown toenail that was causing me pain and I wouldn't be able to run laps this week." I laughed at his lame excuse.

"An ingrown toenail, I'll have to remember that one." I told him, making him laugh. "So why are you skipping? Did you want a blow job under the bleachers?" I winked, causing him to blush. I laughed loudly, making his blush deepen.

"Fuck you," he said.

"Maybe later," I said, laughing at his embarrassed expression. "But seriously, why are you skipping?"

"I don't run unless something is chasing me." I laughed at his response. We sat in silence for a few minutes and played on our phones. I suddenly felt him peck me on the cheek and I looked over with a huge grin. His cheeks were bright red and he was staring down and pulling at the hem of his hoodie.

"What was that for?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I just felt like it," he said, his cheeks heating up. It was adorable how easily he got embarrassed.

"Well, I feel like doing this." I told him before leaning in and kissing him. He smiled into the kiss, which caused me to smile too. It turned into the longest kiss we have had. He suddenly broke away when people started laughing.

"I told you they were fags!" James exclaimed, making his group of monkeys laugh. Alex stared down at his feet and I saw his hands shaking. He looked terrified.

"Fuck you!" I yelled in anger. I hated seeing Alex so scared.

"I don't like cock. Why don't you fuck your little boyfriend?" He asked, making his friends laugh again. That was a lame come back in my opinion.

"Go to hell," I told him, standing up. I took a hold of Alex's hand and he stood up also. I led him down the bleachers and I noticed how he was shaking violently when we got close to James and them. When we got off of the bleachers, I went to lead Alex away when he was suddenly grabbed and yanked away from me. He let out a yelp of surprise. I whipped around and reached for him as James dragged him away from me. Another guy named Kent grabbed me to hold me back. My body was screaming in agony, but I ignored it. Alex was the only thing I cared about.

"Jack!" Alex begged through tears, it killed me to hear the panic and fear in his tone.

"What do you want him for? We're going to have some fun." James said, shoving Alex towards another guy who grabbed him. It looked like Alex was having trouble breathing and he was shaking a lot. Oh god, was he having a panic attack?

"Don't you fucking touch him!" I warned, causing them to laugh. I didn't stop struggling and trying to break free. I scanned the area. Where the fuck was the coach? They shoved Alex back and forth as if it were some sort of game. Matt shoved Alex back to James, who purposefully missed him and let him fall to the ground. Alex sat there heaving and gasping. I was really hoping they would end there.

James grabbed Alex and yanked him off the ground. He dragged him towards me and I was hoping they were done. He suddenly shoved Alex's back against me.

"I swear you will be okay," I said into Alex's ear.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." James smirked. He let go of Alex before punching him hard in the stomach, making him cry out in pain.

"You fucker!" I yelled.

"Don't act like you don't like him being pressed against you. I'm sure you're aching to fuck him." Kent said, causing everyone to laugh. Then James did something I didn't expect. He grabbed Alex, turned him so we were face-to-face, and started forcing him to move as if he were humping me. Alex was all out sobbing now and had his hands up trying to push away from me. I felt my temper boil over.

"I swear to god that if you don't fucking leave him alone, I'll fucking kill all of you pricks! COACH MARKS!" I screamed for Coach Marks so loud it hurt my throat. I could add that to the things that hurt now. They let go of us and walked away laughing. I wasn't sure if they were just done torturing Alex or if they were worried Coach Marks had heard me.

"It's okay, Alex," I tried to comfort. I attempted to wrap my arms around him, but he shoved me away and took off running. "Alex!" I called.

"Who is screaming bloody murder?" Coach Marks asked, walking across the field.

Where the fuck were you five seconds ago? I thought to myself. I ignored him and ran towards Alex. I kept calling after him, but he didn't stop. He ran into the bathroom and I followed. He had already locked himself in a stall though.

"Alex, it's okay, I swear they won't mess with you again." I told him. I leaned against the stall he was in and winced. I was in a lot of pain. I could hear him sobbing in the stall and it killed me. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him. "Alex, please open the door."

"Just go away," he sobbed out, choking on his words and hiccuping.

"Just let me in, please?" I begged.

"I said go away! I don't want to fucking see you right now! You s-say you w-won't let them h-hurt me, but y-you already d-did!" He yelled through his sobbing. My stomach dropped. He was right. I didn't protect him this time so how was I going to next time?

"Alex-" he cut me off.

"Just leave," he said in a quiet tone. It was so hard to hear the pain in his tone. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to leave him though. I just stood there and waited. He would have to come out eventually.


	7. Through It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of moves a bit fast, but everything that happens in this chapter, needed to happen before I could move on with the story. So I hope it isn't too fast and still makes sense.

**Alex's POV:**

I watched Jack play on his phone. He was so adorable even when doing normal things. I bit my lip and mustered up every ounce of courage I had before leaning over and pecking him on the cheek. I pulled away quickly and stared down.

"What was that for?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I just felt like it," I replied, feeling my cheeks heat up. Maybe I shouldn't have done that.

"Well, I feel like doing this." He said before leaning over and kissing me on the lips. I smiled into the kiss and he did too. It was definitely the longest kiss we had shared and it was amazing. Jack had such soft lips. Then I heard laughing and I broke away from him instantly. I stared down at my shoes. I knew exactly who that was.

"I told you they were fags!" James exclaimed, making his friends laugh. I felt my heart rate speed up and my hands started shaking. I just wanted them to go away. At least I had Jack. Maybe they won't mess with me much with him here.

"Fuck you!" Jack suddenly yelled. I was happy he was defending me. It made me feel safe. But maybe he was just defending himself.

 _No, Alex, you can't start second guessing him. He really does care about you. This isn't an act._ I thought to myself.

"I don't like cock. Why don't you fuck your little boyfriend?" James said back. My cheeks heated up again.

"Go to hell," Jack said before standing up. He took my hand and I got the hint. I stood up too and he led me down the bleachers and towards James and the others. My whole body began shaking. Why did we have to go near them? When we got off of the bleachers, I was suddenly grabbed and I let out a small cry as I was dragged away from Jack. Jack whipped around and reached for me, but another guy grabbed him to hold him back.

"Jack!" I cried out. I was terrified. I saw the terror in Jack's eyes as he struggled to break free.

"What do you want him for? We're going to have some fun." James said. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my heart was pounding painfully hard, and I was shaking violently. I was suddenly shoved towards another guy who grabbed me tightly. I felt like I wasn't getting any air in.

"Don't you fucking touch him!" Jack yelled, they didn't listen though. They shoved me back and forth until James stepped aside and let me fall to the ground. I couldn't move though. I just sat there and tried to catch my breath. After a couple of moments, James grabbed me and yanked me up. He shoved me towards Jack and I was afraid of what was going to happen next. He suddenly turned me around and shoved my back against Jack.

"I swear you will be okay," Jack said into my ear. I really hoped he was right.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." James smirked before letting go of me. He pulled his fist back then punched me hard in the stomach. I cried out in pain.

"You fucker!" Jack yelled.

"Don't act like you don't like him pressed against you. I'm sure you're aching to fuck him." The one holding Jack said, causing everyone to laugh. James got an evil grin on his face before grabbing me again and turning me to face Jack. He then shoved me into Jack and forced me to move as if I were humping Jack.

 _No, this can't be happening. Please, no!_ I begged inside my head. I couldn't find my voice to beg out loud.

"I swear to god that if you don't fucking leave him alone, I'll fucking kill all of you pricks! COACH MARKS!" Jack screamed the last part at the top of his lungs. The guys decided to leave after that. Probably afraid of getting in trouble. I pulled myself away from Jack and stared down. I was still crying and couldn't get myself under control.

"It's okay, Alex," Jack said, he tried to wrap his arms around me and I freaked out. I shoved him away before turning to run. "Alex!" Jack called after me. I couldn't face him though. Not right now. I got a bit of a head start before Jack decided to follow. He kept calling after me, but I wasn't going to stop. I couldn't stop. I finally reached the bathroom and I locked myself in a stall. I sat down on the toilet and pulled my knees to my chest. I was sobbing and trying to catch my breath. I already couldn't breathe and all of that running didn't help. I heard the door open shortly after and I knew exactly who it was.

"Alex, it's okay, I swear they won't mess with you again." I heard Jack say. I didn't say anything though. I just kept crying. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? "Alex, please open the door."

"Just go away," I told him. I choked on my words and hiccuped.

"Just let me in, please?" He asked.

"I said go away! I don't want to fucking see you right now! You s-say you w-won't let them h-hurt me, but y-you already d-did!" I yelled, I knew there wasn't much he could have done. I know he's hurt right now, so he wouldn't have been able to fight back anyway. And if he had, he would have been hurt further. I knew it was wrong, but I was hoping to hurt his feelings enough to make him leave.

"Alex-" I cut him off.

"Just leave," I begged in a small voice. Maybe hurting his feelings wasn't going to work. He didn't leave though. I just sat there and cried. I needed to calm down. Jack was quiet, but it was somehow comforting that he was still here. Especially after I blamed him for what happened. I really didn't blame him. I should be asking him if he's okay because he's already been hurt. Did they make it worse?

After what felt like ever, I finally stopped crying. I wasn't ready to face Jack yet though.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked softly.

"No," I replied in a defeated tone. I hadn't been okay for almost two years. I was beginning to think I never would be okay again.

"Will you come out now?" He asked, I wanted to. I wanted to feel his arms around me comforting me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. There was one thing I had been wanting to do since James let me go. The one thing I had used as a stress reliever.

"No," I told him. I heard him sigh and I felt bad. The final bell of the day sounded. I hadn't realized how long we had been in here. Jack skipped his last class to stay with me.

"Are you ready to go home? I'm not letting you walk alone and you can't stay here." He told me. I sighed, he was right, I couldn't stay here. I finally stood up and unlocked the door. Jack was the first thing I saw when I opened the door. He gave me a small smile. "Hey," he said. I didn't say anything, just stared down at the floor.

"C-can we just go home?" I asked and he nodded. We started out and he followed me to my locker so I could get my stuff. I tried to stay near the wall and out of everyone's way. I just didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now. After my locker, we went to Jack's so he could get his stuff. We then left and started home. Jack had walked to the park today, so we didn't have his car. Maybe the walk home would be better than a quick car ride.

"I'm sorry for what I said in the bathroom. I really don't blame you." I told him, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it. I know you were just upset." He replied, I wasn't sure how he could be so cool with me saying what I did.

"So, do you want to hang out for a while? We obviously can't go to my place though." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. I felt kind of bad because he had way worse things to worry about and here I was, hiding in a bathroom stall and blaming him for everything.

"Sure, my mom is working late so it will be nice to have someone around." I said, forcing a smile. I didn't want to tell him no, but I kind of did want to be alone. I needed to relieve the stress from the day.

After we got to my apartment, I unlocked the door and let Jack in.

"Go ahead and raid the fridge, I'll be right back," I told him. I went to my room first and put my bag down before I grabbed my scissors and lighter out of the drawer. I also grabbed a change of clothes. I then slipped into the bathroom and turned the faucet on to drown out the snick of the lighter. I did the same thing I always do. Heat the metal, press it to my skin, and repeat.

After I was satisfied, I ran the scissors under the water before shutting the faucet off. I changed into black sweat pants and a dark red sweater. I hid the scissors and lighter deep in one of the drawers. I would come back and get them later. I came back out to see Jack at the stove.

"What are you making?" I asked looking over his shoulder.

"Ramen Noodles," he replied even though I could plainly see that. "I made enough for us both," he smiled. After they were done, he split them into two bowls. We each grabbed a Coke before heading to the couch. I turned the TV on and flipped through the few local channels we had.

"You think they would have something good on in the afternoon. Why do they have to punish poor people?" I asked, making Jack laugh. I finally turned it to a talk show. It was mostly just to have noise while we ate. I couldn't help but wonder how often Jack actually gets to eat. He was really skinny, but I wasn't sure if it was just how he naturally was or if it was from not eating much. Was lunch at school and at work the only times he got to eat?

"Do you want more?" I asked him, motioning to his bowl. He shook his head.

"I'm good, thanks," I just nodded. I took his empty bowl and mine to the sink and then leaned over the back of the couch to grab the remote.

"How about we go to my room and listen to music? It beats this," I said. He chuckled and stood up to follow me to my room. I hated to see how hard it was for him to move around. I really wished there was something I could do to help him, but knew there wasn't.

I turned my stereo on before sitting on the bed beside Jack.

"How bad is it?" I asked, gesturing towards his body. Jack just shrugged.

"It hurts but I've had worse." That broke my heart. I couldn't understand why anyone would hurt someone like Jack. "Don't worry about it." He gave me a smile. I forced one back.

"So, wanna go out next Saturday night? I would say this coming Saturday, but I have to work." He said and I smiled for real this time.

"Sure!" I exclaimed which made his smile brighten. "Where are we going?" He thought for a moment.

"Do you like amusement parks?" I nodded but then my smile faded a little. "What's wrong?"

"The rides are kind of rough, will you be healed enough by then? We can wait until you're better." I told him and he shook his head.

"I'll be fine," he assured me. I still didn't feel like he would be well enough to handle it, but I knew he was too stubborn to listen to me.

\----------------------

**Saturday:**

I dressed in jeans, a blood red hoodie, a black beanie, and a pair of Vans. I looked at myself one last time before exiting the bathroom. Mom was making breakfast for herself. I told her I would eat something at the park.

"You look cute," she told me, making me smile.

"Thanks," I replied before sitting at the bar.

"It'll be okay, Alex," Mom said. She reached over and took my hands in hers. I hadn't noticed that I was subconsciously itching my wrist kind of hard.

"I'm just.... I'm really scared. Jack's the first person I've gotten close to in this way since Ricky.... I don't want to go through that again." She gave me a soft smile.

"You'll be okay, sweetie. If he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, not just today but anytime, you can always call me. I will drop everything to come get you. Okay?" I smiled a little.

"Thanks, Mom.... D-do you think he'll end up being like Ricky?"

"No, I don't. I've seen the way he is with you, the way he looks at you. I don't think he'll hurt you like that." I smiled at her again. There was a knock on the door and my breath caught in my throat. "Come in," Mom shouted. The door opened to reveal Jack standing there with a smile.

"Hey," he greeted while walking over to us. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead which made me smile. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," I said before standing up.

"Don't be out too late, please," Mom said with a smile. I smiled back.

"We won't. See ya later," I said before giving her a kiss goodbye. I followed Jack out the door and to his car. Once we were on the road, he turned on the radio. I smiled when Jack reached over and took my hand.

"How are you feeling?" I asked and he smiled.

"I'm doing a lot better," he replied and I smiled. I hadn't really asked him about it lately. I knew he couldn't be completely healed yet, but maybe he was healed enough that tonight would be good. I didn't want the rides to hurt him. "Don't worry, Alex, I'm not going to break." He chuckled, making my cheeks heat up.

"I just don't want the rides to be too much for you."

"At least we know who the girl is in this relationship," he winked at me with a huge grin. I gave him a fake pout.

"I am not a girl," I then crossed my arms and continued to pout. He laughed a little and reached over with one hand to make me uncross my arms so he could hold my hand again. He brought it up and kissed it before smiling at me. I gave up on my pouting and smiled back.

\------------------------

After about three hours of riding rides, we decided to get something to eat. We found a small restaurant at the front of the park and went inside. The food was pretty simple things like hot dogs, burgers, and burritoes. After we ordered our food, we sat at one of the tables and began eating. I had gotten a burger with fries and Jack got a burrito.

"Are you having fun?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, I am," I smiled. I felt my phone buzz and I apologized before pulling my phone out. It was my mom. "My mom just texted me to tell me she will be working until around two in the morning because her co-worker has a family emergency." I told him and he smiled.

"It's a shame to think of you all alone until then." He said in a flirtatious way which made me blush.

"You could come keep me company." I suggested and his smile widened.

"I would love to."

After we were done eating, we decided to ride some more rides. While we were walking through the crowd to try to get to the next ride, I was suddenly shoved to the ground followed by laughter.

"Fuck off!" Jack yelled. I looked up to see James, Matt, and Kent. Jack helped me up and I cowered behind him. He didn't seem to mind though as he put one arm around me to keep me behind him.

"Taking your little boyfriend on a date? How cute." James commented as Kent and Matt went to stand on either side of Jack. He kept a firm grip on me as I hid behind him. I was praying that they would just leave and not try anything. We were in a crowded area. Even they can't be that stupid.

"Come here, you little fag." James said, staring directly at me.

"You aren't fucking touching him." Jack said through gritted teeth. James put his hands up in innocence.

"I don't want to hurt him, I just want to talk." His tone suggested that he was lying.

"You can talk from there," Jack told him. He had ahold of my wrist to keep me in place and his grip tightened. Not enough to hurt me though.

"I just wanted to know if he's the reason his dad left? I mean, I would leave to if my kid turned out like him." Okay, that hurt.

"That has nothing to do with him." Jack defended. I wished Jack was right though. I didn't answer James, I just hid.

"By the look on his face, I would guess that I'm right." James said, making the others laugh.

"Leave before I call security and get your sorry asses thrown out of here." Jack threatened. They stood there with smirks on their faces for a few moments before deciding we weren't worth it and walking away. James made sure to bump into Jack as he walked away.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, causing Jack to look at me like he was confused.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he told me and I shrugged.

"I'm the reason they were messing with you. Had I just stepped up instead of hiding, they would leave you alone." He reached out and took my hand.

"I would rather you stay behind me and let me deal with them. I'll kick their asses if they get too close to you again." He said which made me laugh a little.

"Thanks," I said and he smiled.

"No problem. Now, to get back to the fun," he said before dragging me off to some other ride.

\---------------------------

After we left the park, we went back to my place and I made us dinner. It was just Spaghetti-Os and garlic bread I made out of hot dog buns, but it was still good.

"I don't think I said this, but thank you for today. It was a lot of fun," I said and he smiled at me.

"Who says the fun as to end?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I blushed which made him laugh.

"Do you want more to eat?" I asked and he shook his head no. We had both already gone through two cans each and a whole pack of buns.

"Thanks," Jack said and I smiled. I began to clean up the kitchen with Jack's help. There wasn't much to do. After I loaded the dishwasher, we decided to go to my room. I put on some music and sat on the bed where Jack was already laying. He leaned up and wrapped his arms around my waist before gently pulling me back with him. I laid down and cuddled up to him. He began rubbing my back in a soothing way. It was nice to just lay here like this.

I leaned up and kissed Jack softly before pulling away. He smiled at me before pulling me back in for another kiss. He deepened it and I was happy to return it. As the kiss went on, he moved so I was on my back and he was hovering over me. I had my hands on the back of his neck as we made out.

Jack slipped one of his hands under my shirt and began rubbing it over my chest and stomach. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I trusted Jack. Right? Right.

He removed his hand from under my shirt and went to my jeans. He began trying to undo them with one hand and that's when the alarms really were set off in my brain. I instantly shoved him away with all the strength I had.

"No, stop!" I said a little too loud before moving away from him. I was breathing heavy from both the make out session and fear. Jack stared at me in shock and tried to move closer to me. I held up my hand to tell him to stop.

"Just wait," I told him and took deep breaths. I had to calm myself down. It was just Jack. He wasn't going to hurt me.

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to freak you out." He said and I shook my head. I looked up to see his guilty expression and I felt kind of bad. He really wasn't doing anything wrong. He doesn't know what happened to me in the past, so of course he thought this was okay. This is what normal couples do after all, right?

"It's not your fault. I just.... I can't do... _that_ yet." I told him and he nodded.

"That's okay. We don't have to," he said and I nodded. I felt really bad because he felt guilty. He shouldn't have to feel guilty. "Can we still cuddle?" He asked and I nodded. I calmed myself for another moment before crawling back over and laying back down with him. I was happy that he wasn't freaked out by me, most people were. After the incident, I lost everyone because I was so on edge all of the time. Even my own parents had issues with me being the way I was. My mom and Grandpa were the only people who didn't leave.

"Hey, Alex?" I lifted my head so I could see him before replying.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you freak out just now? And you had a complete breakdown after what James and his monkeys did the other day. And you had that nightmare... I get it if you're just a highly sensitive person, but if there's something else, you can tell me." He said and I stared at him for a moment before laying my head back on his chest. If I was going to tell him this, I didn't want to be looking at him. I wasn't sure I could tell him if I was staring in his eyes.

"Well, we moved to New York because something happened the first time we lived here in Maryland. Um, I had a boyfriend named Ricky before we moved. We were pretty much inseparable and I was crazy about him." I felt Jack's grip tighten on me and I couldn't help but smile a little. Was he seriously getting jealous? "And I wasn't ready to... you know... yet, but he already had done it before we got together. He made me feel guilty because I kept telling him no, that I wasn't ready yet. He kept trying to tell me that it wasn't a big deal and there was nothing to be nervous about. Well, one night, when I was staying at his house, he wouldn't drop it because we were at the house alone." I stopped to swallow the lump in my throat. I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"I once again told him no and he got really mad. He sat up and told me that if I wouldn't do it with him then maybe we should break up so he could find someone who loved him enough. I was so crazy about him at the time that I didn't want that. So I agreed to... sleep with him." I stopped as tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them now though. "When he tried to take my underwear off, I freaked out and told him that I had changed my mind, that I didn't want to do it anymore. He told me I couldn't back out and he proceeded to have sex with me even though I didn't want to." I couldn't keep going because I broke down. Jack was rubbing my back gently.

"He raped you?" I shook my head no.

"It wasn't r-rape," I said through my crying.

"What do you mean it wasn't rape? That bastard took advantage of you! He forced you to do something you didn't want to do. Did you go to the police?"

"Y-yeah, we did." I took a moment to calm myself down. "I locked myself in the bathroom after it happened and called my mom to come get me. I broke down and told her what happened and she took me to the police station. We went to court over it and because of the fact that I was going to but then changed my mind, they didn't see it as rape. The judge said that if I had wanted it to stop, I could have stopped it. He found Ricky not guilty because it was seen as me just regretting what I had done and trying to blame Ricky." I took a moment to get my crying under control again.

"Ricky bragged about it in school. About how he got me in bed and no longer had any use for me. Everyone teased me and called me a whore or a slut." I stopped to take a deep breath. Jack's grip on me was so tight but it made me feel protected. "I then was attacked in the school bathroom by two guys. They held me down and tried to.... to take my clothes off of me. After that, I refused to go back to school. I would have a break-down every morning and cry and beg to stay home. My parents fought every day because my dad felt that I was running from my problems. He wanted me to face them instead. He wanted me to stay in school and show them that I wasn't going to let them treat me this way." I stopped to look up at Jack to see what he was feeling since he hadn't said anything. He looked angry and I started to think that I shouldn't have told him all of this.

"What happened next?" He asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

"My mom pulled me out of school for good and started taking me to see a therapist. Not that the therapist really helped. I didn't want to go to see him and after a while, Mom quit making me go. After about a straight week of fighting between my parents over me, my dad told us that either I go back to that school or he was leaving. He said that he wasn't going to be known as the man whose son fucked some dude and then dropped out of school because he couldn't handle the consequences of his actions. That was when I realized that my dad didn't believe I had been raped. He agreed with the judge. So James was right today, I was the reason my dad left." I started crying and buried my face in Jack's chest. He held me tightly and rubbed my back.

"None of that was your fault. I can't believe that judge thought that was right. He just let some dickhead get away with rape. You should have sued the judge." I shook my head no.

"It wouldn't have mattered. I'm a guy and most people don't think that guys can get raped. They think we're strong enough to stop it if we want to."

"Fuck that! If you're being held down by someone bigger, you're not going to be able to fight back." I felt more tears well up as he talked. Besides my mom and Grandpa, Jack was the first person to agree with me instead of the judge. Everyone else thought that I was overreacting. They all thought that I was being a wimp. I collapsed back on Jack and just let it all out. He held me and just let me cry. He didn't try to tell me anything to make me stop crying. He just let me get it all out.

After I was done crying, I sat up to dry my face off. I kept sniffling as I tried to calm down. Jack reached over to my bedside table and grabbed the box of tissues sitting there. He handed them to me and I thanked him. I blew my nose and used another one to dry my eyes. I felt a lot better.

"Are you okay now?" He asked and I nodded.

"I'm sorry about all of that. I'm sure it's really attractive to watch me bawl my eyes out." I said with a humorless laugh. He reached out and took my hand.

"I don't fucking care about attractive. I'm just glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me what happened. And I promise you that I will never hurt you like that. If you don't want to have sex, then we're not having sex." He said and I smiled before leaning forward to kiss him. He licked his lips after I pulled away and scrunched his nose up.

"Salty," he commented. I laughed and playfully hit his chest, making him laugh. I laid back down and cuddled up to him. I was happy I had told him, but I was scared. Sure, he says that we don't have to have sex, but if he's done it in the past, then he's going to want it eventually. I just don't think anyone knows how afraid I really am. I didn't want to keep telling Jack no and have him break up with me, but I couldn't give him what he'll end up wanting. I just can't do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm working on the next chapter, but I can't make any promises on when it will be uploaded.   
> Also, I started this story when my cousin was on suicide watch and I had night shifts watching him as a way to distract myself and keep myself busy. So I'm sorry if it's not the best story. If you think I should scrap this and start over, let me know. I hope it will get better from here since my cousin is off of suicide watch. Also, he's doing okay right now, but that can change within an instant.


	8. With Death You Paid My Ransom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from the song Travesty by Haste The Day.
> 
> I didn't edit this because it's 7 AM and I don't give a crap. I might go back and do that later, lol.

**Monday:**

It was already lunch time and I still hadn't seen Jack. I waited for him outside this morning, but he never came out. I had no choice but to leave without him. I kept texting him but he wasn't replying. I was starting to get worried. What if something happened to him?

I scanned the lunch room before finding the person I was looking for. Zack was sitting at a table with the rest of them. I wasn't sure if anyone of the others knew about Jack's dad, but I know Zack knows. I walked up to them, being greeted by them all.

"Hey guys," I greeted back. "Um, Zack, can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked and he nodded his head. I led him to a secluded corner of the cafeteria before speaking.

"Where's Jack?" I saw his face fall a little.

"He, um, he got into an accident last night and was taken to the hospital." I could tell he was lying based on his tone.

"Zack, I know about his dad. D-Did he hurt Jack?" Zack pursed his lips, staring at the floor for a moment. "He did, didn't he?"

"Yeah," I felt my heart drop. "He went through Jack's phone and found texts from you. He didn't take kindly to Jack having a boyfriend and tried to.... beat the gay out of him." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

"How bad is it?" I managed to choke out.

"He had to have several stitches on a few parts of his body, his left wrist is broken, he has two fractured ribs, a split lip, and a black eye, and a concussion. He also has bruises and scratches all over his body, but they can't do much for those. He'll be in hospital until tomorrow morning. I stayed with him last night while they looked him over and they want to watch him for a little while because of the concussion. He told them he doesn't have anyone to stay with him for twenty-four hours, so they're going to keep him and do that there. As long as he's not vomiting, dizzy, or weak by then they'll let him go home."

"What did you guys tell them?"

"I wanted to tell them the truth, but Jack told them he was in a car accident. They don't believe him of course because there weren't any reports of the wreck and a lot of the wounds look to be made by hands."

"Well, can't they talk to him? Send the police to interrogate his dad? Something?" I asked and he shook his head no.

"They could, but it won't help. Jack's too afraid of his dad to testify against him. They could talk to him and try to get him to tell them the truth, but they can't do anything else if Jack won't talk to them about it." I wiped the tears away that slid down my cheeks. I can't believe this is happening.

"So they're just going to send him back to his dad? Even though they're suspicious that he's being abused?" I asked and Zack nodded, looking sad.

"Without Jack's cooperation, they can't help him. And I know Jack, he'll defend his dad."

"Why?" I didn't understand this. How could Jack defend the person hurting him like this?

"Because he's scared. Until he gets the courage to go against his dad, they can't help him."

"I have to go see him. Where's he at?" I asked.

"Saint Clay Hospital, room 208." He told me. I thanked him before leaving the cafeteria. I rarely skip school, but I had to see Jack. I didn't even bother getting my stuff from my locker, I already had everything I would need. I slipped out the door, doing my best to remain unseen. Once I was in the clear, I went to the bus stop. I was trying to get my crying under control before the bus got there. I got looks once it stopped and I got on. I should be in school and everyone knows. I was just hoping nobody asked me because I would probably break down again.

The ride was spent with me trying to keep myself together. I was scared to see Jack because I don't know what condition he'll be in. But I had to do this. I couldn't stand to think of him all alone in a hospital. As soon as the bus stopped, I got off and started towards the hospital at a fast pace. Once there, I went to the ER part of the building since that's where Zack said he took him.

"How can I help you?" The guy behind the desk asked.

"Um, I'm looking for Jack Barakat in room 208." I told her.

"Go through that door there," she pointed to a glass door near the back of the room. "There are elevators in the back of the room, go to the second floor and the hallway across from where the elevator opens will lead you to his room." She explained. I thanked her before going through the door. It opened into a large lobby with a lot of sitting space, some vending machines, and a couple of small cafeterias. It was the main part of the hospital. I went to the back of the room where there was a small hallway with elevators on both sides before breaking off into two other hallways going either way. I pressed the call button and waited for an elevator open.

There was a waiting room off to the right with a balcony that overlooked the lobby I was just in. There was a nurses station and a hallway leading past it in front of me and another hallway on the left. I walked past the nurses station and towards the rooms. Jack's was close to the end of the hall. I knocked, hoping he was awake. They have to stay awake if they have a concussion, right?

"Come in," he called. I opened the door and the second I saw him, I broke down again. "Alex, you shouldn't have come here." He told me in a tired voice. I walked over and gently put my hands on his shoulders before resting my forehead on my right hand. I couldn't do anything other than cry. It hurt to see Jack like this. He put his hands on my back and rubbed it gently.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm gonna be fine," he told me. I shook my head no but I couldn't tell him what I was thinking. "Yes, I will, Alex. They're letting me go in the morning." I cried for a few more minutes with him rubbing my back and telling me it was going to be okay over and over. I finally got myself somewhat together and pulled away from him.

"You're going b-back to him. H-He's going to hurt you a-again," I choked out, feeling another wave of tears coming.

"I'm not going home," his tone was sad and quiet.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked, wiping at my eyes. He patted the bed beside him and I sat down. He held his hand out to me and I took it, placing a kiss to the back of it. I looked over him and he looked horrible. His left eye was swollen shut, his lip was scabbed over and he had a bandage on his forehead and his right cheek. His left hand was in a cast and there was a bandage around his right forearm.

"My dad's sending me away." My heart broke, my tears spilling out. Normally, I hate for people to see me cry, but right now I didn't care. It was like everything in this universe was against me. Everything that means something to me gets taken away. The only things I have left are my mom, my grandpa, and Jack. Now I'm losing Jack?

"Wh-Where is s-sending you?" I asked through my crying. Jack reached up and gently wiped my tears away.

"I don't know. He just told me that all of my things will be packed when I get home and my ride will there waiting for me. Alex, please don't cry." I couldn't help it though. I was losing Jack. He was going who knows where and I'll probably never see him again. "As soon as I turn eighteen, I'll come back, okay?"

"And what if you don't?" I didn't mean to say it out loud, but it was too late now.

"What do you mean?" He sounded really confused.

"What if they w-won't let you? Or what if you.... find someone b-better?" I know it was a selfish thing to be worried about right now, but I couldn't help it. Anyone would be better for Jack than me. It won't take much for him to replace me.

"Hey, that's not going to happen, okay? If they want to keep me from you they'll have to kill me." He gave a small, tired laugh.

"Can I be there when you leave?" He smiled a little.

"I would be sad if you weren't." I leaned down and placed a very gentle kiss to his lips that he returned.

"I love you," Jack said genuinely. I was shocked for a moment. We hadn't even officially agreed to be boyfriends so to hear those words caught me off guard. "You don't have to say-" I cut him off.

"I love you, too." He smiled brightly at me as I leaned down to kiss him again, still being careful.

\--------------------

I hadn't left the hospital since yesterday. My mom called the school and told them it was an emergency and I wouldn't be at school today. I was happy that she was so understanding. I hadn't told her what actually happened. I used the excuse Jack had made up, he was in a car wreck. She believed me and even came to see him after work yesterday.

Jack was currently getting dressed in the blood stained clothes he had come to the hospital in. The nurses were curious about this since, in their minds, his dad could of brought him some clothes. All the nurses love Jack though since he's such a handsome flirt, so he managed to convince them that everything was okay. Though I'm sure they still have their doubts.

"Hi boys," my mom said as she walked into the room. She seemed shocked when she saw Jack's bloodied clothes. _Here we go again._ I thought, knowing that my mom was going to ask. "Jack, why are you wearing those clothes? Didn't your dad bring you anything clean?"

"No, Mrs. Gaskarth, he's been busy. But don't worry, I'm going to change the second I get home." Jack gave her his best smile he could. She stared at him oddly for a moment before giving him a smile.

"Okay, well, have you been discharged yet?" She asked and he shook his head no.

"They need a parent or guardian to sign some papers. I told them that you would be picking me up and could sign them. You just need to go to the nurses station." Jack explained and she nodded.

"Okay, I'll be right back," she said before leaving the room. I waited until the door was all the way shut before turning to Jack. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and it killed me to see him so broken. The bruises littering his body had darkened and his eye was still swollen shut. He was having a hard time moving around. The nurse had to help him out of bed and I helped him dress. I sat down on his right side, taking his hand and kissing the back of it, causing him to smile. He then lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

"I really wish you weren't leaving." I told him.

"I know, but don't worry, it'll be okay. Maybe this is what's best. I'll be away from my dad." He pointed out and I nodded, not responding. I had a lump in my throat as I thought about him leaving. We both looked up when the door opened and my mom walked back in with some papers in her hands.

"They gave you a prescription for pain meds, we'll stop to have them filled on the way home. Are you two ready to go?" She asked and we both nodded. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to leave. I would rather spend the rest of my life in this hospital room with Jack, then the next few months at home without him.

The ride home was mostly just Jack and I gently cuddling in the back of the car. Now that we were parking at home and getting out, I felt the lump in my throat again. I kept a hold of Jack's hand the entire time we walked. After explaining to Mom that I would be with Jack, she went into our apartment while I followed Jack to his. We went to his room where all of his stuff was packed up in trash bags.

"I thought someone was supposed to be waiting for you?" I asked and he shrugged.

"That's what Dad said." Jack went to grab one of the bags but I stopped him.

"No, you'll hurt yourself." I said, taking the bag from him. I picked it up along with a second one and followed a smiling Jack to the front room. There were only four trash bags. It wasn't surprising that Jack didn't have many belongings. When I went back into the bedroom, I saw Jack peeling one of his posters off of the wall. His posters were the only things his dad hadn't packed. I silently helped him take them down.

"Hey, it'll be okay," Jack said, coming over and wrapping his arms around my waist. I gently wrapped mine around him and rested my head on his chest. "Come here." He pulled me away and I followed him to a different room. I stopped in the doorway when I realized it was his dad's room.

"I don't think we should be in here." I said, terrified that his dad would find out. Jack chuckled.

"Don't worry," he replied. He walked over to a wooden box on top of the dresser and opened it. He got something out of it before walking back over to me. I moved back to get him to come into the hallway. "Hold your left hand up." I was confused but did as he said. He slipped a gold ring with a diamond on it onto my ring finger. He smiled as he stared at it.

"What's this?" I asked, inspecting the ring.

"My mom's wedding ring. She left it when she left us. I was surprised when my dad kept it. He got mad at me when I tried to look at it. But Mom meant more to me than she ever did to him. I want you to keep her ring safe for me. Besides a couple of pictures I managed to steal before Dad destroyed them, that's all that's left of her." Jack stared at my hand the entire time he talked.

"Jack, I can't-" he cut me off.

"That ring means a lot to me and I want you to keep it as a promise that I will come back. Alex, I'm not going to find someone better. Hell, I don't even where I'm going. I love you, Alex." He said, leaning forward to kiss me softly. I was weary of kissing him because of his split lip, but I didn't want to reject his kisses.

"I love you, too." I said, looking down at the ring. "What if your dad finds out?"

"He won't, he doesn't care about that ring. I tried to take it after she left, but he beat me for it and took it away. I honestly thought he had sold it or thrown it out or something."

"Then how did you know it was in there?" I asked, pointing towards the bedroom door.

"He took my phone from me once and beat me pretty badly. After he left the house, I searched his room for my phone and found it." He explained. I hate how he talks about being abused like it's normal. He's been enduring this for so long that it's not a big deal to him anymore. That was when I decided that him being gone was for the best. No matter who he ends up with, it can't be any worse than being here. Right?

There was a knock on the door that caused my stomach to drop. As much as this could be a good thing, I still didn't want to see him leave. He walked over and opened the door. Both of us were confused by the police officer standing there.

"Are either of you Jack Barakat?" I looked up at Jack who looked a little scared.

"I am," he answered.

"We got a call from your dad and I need you to come with me." Jack looked down at me and then back at the officer.

"What's going on?" He asked and the officer sighed.

"I'm very sorry, Jack, your dad's dead." My jaw dropped and I looked at Jack to see a shocked expression on his face.

"How?" Jack asked.

"That's what we need to discuss. Come down to the station with me, please."

"Can Alex come with me?" He motioned to me. The officer nodded his head. We both followed the officer out to his car and got in. Jack was fidgeting nervously the entire ride. I reached over and took his hand. This changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, I'm not sure what to say about this.  
> It shouldn't take me long to get the next chapter done. I already know what's going to happen, I just have to write it out.
> 
> Also, I did some Googling for this chapter regarding Jack's injuries. So if it's not accurate, blame the random strangers on Yahoo Answers.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I finally updated! Oh, and this wasn't proofread very well because I'm tired. But I did try!

**Jack's POV:**

He's dead. That's the only thing I could think on the way to the police station. Once we got there, we followed the officer inside and to a small room. I was nervous. Why didn't he just tell me what happened? Or call? Why was I being brought here? Was this normal procedure?

I held Alex's hand while we waited. It wasn't long before an officer came into the room. He sat down across from us and I was trying to control my shaking. This didn't feel right. It felt like something was really wrong. And I'm not just talking about my dad's death.

"Jack, there's no easy way to tell you this, but your dad called 911 before he died. He told us what was happening and that we would find you at the apartment. He also told us that he hadn't treated you right for a long time and you could tell us the whole story. He asked that we would take care of you." He explained in a gentle tone.

"What happened to him?" I had to know.

"He shot himself." I felt a harsh sting in my throat. Sure, he beat me and was a horrible person, but a part of me still cared about him. He was screwed up in the head. I always had this fantasy in my head of him admitting he needs help and seeking it, then things were better between us. I guess I would never get that now. I reached up to wipe away the tears that slipped out. The corner of my mouth twitched into a small smile when Alex took my hand in his.

"You've obviously been through a lot, Jack. He told us he wasn't treating you right. If you have anything to say about it, you can now." The officer told me. It still didn't feel right to talk about what he had done. The fear was still there even though I know he can't hurt me know.

"It's okay, Jack." I turned to the small voice of Alex. He was giving me a sympathetic look. He glanced at the officer before continuing. "H-He can't hurt you." I only nodded my head. I took a deep breath before telling the officer everything. From the first time my dad hit me to what put me in the hospital recently. Alex held my hand the entire time, offering a little comfort.

\---------------------

I hadn't said much since leaving the police station. They asked several questions about my dad, my home life, and finally who they could call for me. I just told them to call my uncle in New York. They then told me that he was on his way. I wasn't entirely sure who would have custody of me now or what was going to happen next. I didn't want to leave, but I also don't want to stay here. The only things keeping me here were Zack and Alex.

I was currently laying in Alex's bed with him curled up to me. I didn't want to go back to my apartment. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be feeling right now. The guilt was eating me inside. Had I just been a better son, my dad would still be alive. Had I been better, Mom would never have left.

"What'cha thinkin' about?" Alex's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"Why did he do it?" I asked quietly, earning a sigh from Alex.

"There was a lot going on in him and he didn't know how to admit he needed help. So he just-" I cut him off.

"No, I mean, why did he call the police? For them to find his body? I get that part, but why did he tell them about me? Why did he tell them that he didn't treat me right? Why did he tell them to take care of me?"

"Maybe he felt remorse?" Alex offered.

"He beat me so bad I ended up in the hospital. I don't think he cared what he did to me." I didn't mean for it to come out as bitter as it did. 

"Maybe that's what set him off? You did say he came to the hospital. Maybe seeing you like that and knowing he did it was too much."

"He beat me with a fucking belt until I could barely move more than once! He's done way worse than this. How the hell would this send him over the edge?" My voice was rising and I felt Alex tense a little. I wasn't mad at him. "I'm sorry," I said and he shook his head no.

"It's okay, you're upset." We stayed quiet for a few moments after that.

"Is it wrong to be mad at him? I mean, if he did this because of remorse, then why the hell didn't he just talk to me? Why couldn't he just fucking swallow his damn pride and admit he needed help? I wish he was still here just so I could finally tell him everything I've wanted to tell him for a long time."

"He had way too much pride to swallow it. And no, it's not wrong to be mad. When my dad left, I-" I cut him off again.

"You still have a possibility your dad will come back. Mine is fucking dead, Alex! This is completely different!" I then shoved him off of me, careful not to hurt myself, before painfully getting out of the bed and leaving the room. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't want to be in there anymore. I was starting to get mad at Alex. I can't be mad at him though. None of this is his fault and taking my anger out on him won't solve anything.

I went to the couch and sat down. I would just go to my apartment but I still didn't want to be there. I heard the bedroom door open a few moments later and then the bathroom door shut. I didn't think much of it. I was sure I upset Alex, but I would apologize when he came back out.

After fifteen minutes of him not coming back out, I got kind of worried. Was he that upset? I stood up, wincing at the pain. The doctors told me not to do a whole lot of moving over the next couple of weeks, but right now I don't care. I walked to the bathroom. I could hear what sounded like him crying on the other side. I tried the door knob to find it unlocked. I opened the door and was confused for a second. Alex had his shirt off and the metal part of a pair of scissors pressed to his chest. I then noticed blisters on his chest and a lighter in his other hand. That was when it clicked.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?" I asked, walking towards him and yanking the scissors and lighter out of his hands.

"I-I'm sorry," was all he managed to get out through his crying.

"Come here," I ushered gently, holding out my un-injured arm. He accepted the comfort, being careful as he put his head against my chest. I carefully rubbed his back and let him cry. I didn't really have the right to get on him about this. It was my fault he was doing this in the first place.

"Come on," I said, leading him out of the bathroom and back to his bedroom. I had him sit on the bed before making my way to the kitchen. Maybe they had some aloe or something. I found a bottle of it in the fridge and brought it back to the bedroom with me.

"Here, this will make it feel better." I handed it to him and he thanked me. I would have done it myself if my left hand wasn't in a stupid cast. I sat down beside him while he applied the gel to the four marks he had made. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head no, not looking at me.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm _not_ mad at you. I swear," I assured, hoping it helped. He only nodded his head. "Fuck," I mumbled, wrapping my right arm around his waist. It was really hard to comfort the person you love when your entire body hurts.

After several minutes of us just sitting there, Alex got up and went to the bathroom. I followed him to make sure he was okay. I watched as he carefully dabbed at the gel on his chest.

"You should apply more." I told him and he shook his head.

"Mom will be home soon and she can't know." He said, grabbing his shirt and putting it back on. He turned to look at me and finally gave me a small smile. "I love you," he said and I smiled back.

"I love you, too." I leaned forward and gave him a kiss.

"So, what sounds good for dinner?" Alex asked, leading me into the kitchen. I sat down in one of the chairs, wincing at the pain.

"Anything is fine." I said and he nodded, looking through the freezer to find something.

\---------------------------

Alex and I laid in bed that night. Neither one of us said much. We just enjoyed each other's company. I wanted to talk to him about his self harm, but I didn't know what to say. I was worried that he thought I was mad at him or disgusted by it. I was also worried that he thought I didn't care since I didn't mention it.

"Oh, here," Alex said, slipping my mom's ring off of his hand and holding it out to me.

"No, I want you to keep it." I told him.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not sure I'm staying here. My uncle might still have me leave. And I want you to keep it for the promise I made you." He stared down at the ring, making me wonder what he was thinking.

"What if you don't come back?" He barely whispered.

"I will," I tried to assure him.

"But what if you don't? What if something happens and you don't come back? Or what if.... what if I'm not here when you do?"

"Hey," I said gently, his tear-filled eyes broke my heart. "What do you mean if you're not here?" He shrugged a little with a sniffle.

"Alex, what did you mean?" I saw a few tears slid down his cheeks which he quickly wiped away.

"I mean what I said, what if I'm not here? What if I'm not strong enough to keep going without you here? I can't handle James and the others by myself. What if I can't do it?" He broke down after that. I put my hand on his cheek and rubbed my thumb over it.

"You'll be okay. We can Skype every single night and I'll keep my phone on me at all times and if you ever need me, just call, no matter what time it is. You'll be here when I get back." I stated firmly. "I can't lose you," I felt my voice crack.

"I'll try," he whispered. I reached down to grab his left hand.

"If you ever feel like giving up, look at this ring. Remember that I'm coming back for you no matter what." I gave him a little smile. "And I expect you to be here, smiling, when I do." He smiled a little before leaning forward to kiss me.

\----------------------------

**Time skip:**

Everything was taken care of and decided. I would be living with my uncle in New York until I was eighteen. Alex and my uncle helped me pack up everything in the apartment and sort through the things to get rid of or the things to put in storage. All of the furniture and household items (towels, silverware, plates, bowls, and cups, ect) would be put in storage for when I get my own place.

"Are you ready to leave?" Uncle Steve asked. I looked at Alex who was trying really hard not to cry.

"I'll be back," I promised him. He only nodded his head. I put my hand on the back of his head, gently guiding him to my lips. I kissed his forehead first before moving to kiss his lips. The kiss lasted a while, neither one of us wanting to pull away.

"I love you," he said when we finally did break away.

"I love you, too." I said, giving him another kiss. I smiled at him, getting a small one in return. I gave him one last kiss before walking to my uncle's car. I stared at Alex's until he was out of sight.

"It's just temporary, Jack. I'll personally bring you back and help you get an apartment the day you turn eighteen." Uncle Steve said, giving me a smile. I smiled a little in return.


	10. I'M NOT GIVING UP/Important!

So a lot of you already know this, but my family is losing our house. My parents built a house and then my grandpa died, so my mom inherited his house. They rented out the house they built, but then my parents got divorced and my dad wanted half of what the house they built was worth. They forced her to auction off the other house, but didn't get enough out of it and still owed him $20,000. Mom was making payments, but dad wanted the full amount, so the court decided the only way he would get it is to force us to auction off the house we live in. We couldn't get approved for a loan and then something happened and what we owe got raised from $20,000 to $119,000 or $191,000, I can't remember but it's one of those two.

The auction happened, but we never got anything saying whether the house was sold or not (the auction didn't happen at the house). And now they're saying we have failed to cooperate and vacate the property, so they're only giving us until May 15th to be completely out of the house. That gives us two weeks to pack, move everything big into a storage unit, move everything else two hours away to my grandparents' house, and figure out where we're going to move farm equipment out of two barns, a garage, and a shed.

We'll be living with our grandparents for now until we can figure out how to get a place of our own. My grandparents don't have internet, so I won't be able to get on my laptop. And until I can get a new job, I'll have to give up my phone so I won't be able to update using it. I WILL still be writing though! And maybe I can mooch some WiFi off of family members and update, but I'm making no promises.

All of my mom's family lives in the area we're moving to (both her mom's side and her dad's side), so we'll be okay. We'll have a lot of people around to take care of us and help us get settled.

This does NOT mean I'm giving up on ANY of my stories! It just means I won't be able to update for a while. But I'll try to have a ton of updates ready for when I get back online. Also, I probably won't get to really write over the next two week since we have a lot of packing and moving that has to be done so I decided to go ahead and post this now since I won't be updating.

Well, I guess that's it. I hope to not be gone for too long, but I can't really say what will happen.


End file.
